


Rambles

by UhmLikeWhet



Category: camren, fifth harmony - Fandom
Genre: Eventual Smut, F/F, First Kiss, Flirting, Fluff, So much fucking fluff, break ups, more tags to come :P
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-14
Updated: 2017-07-08
Packaged: 2018-06-02 05:16:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 23,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6552529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UhmLikeWhet/pseuds/UhmLikeWhet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just a complication of insightful, compelling Camren Rambles. Camila is curious about the world and Lauren works to understand what it is that really goes on in Camila's intelligent and beautiful mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

   Camila woke up to sniffling in the bunk across from hers, so she slid open her curtain and carefully reached over to pull Lauren's back a bit.

   Lauren was laying on her stomach, face in her pillow.

   "Lo?" Camila shyly whispered.

   Lauren stilled, contemplating on looking over at her bandmates confused face. She never let the girls see her cry. She's been doing that a lot lately if she was being truthful. At night, when she was sure everyone else was asleep, she would pull out her head phones and flip to her stomach to drench her pillow in sorrow.

   This isn't the first time Lauren's been caught be the younger girl. She just hasn't told her why she'd been crying all this time.

   Like now, Camila would always roll out of her bunk onto the floor, and crawl into Lauren's to comfort her.

  
   The girls often shared a bunk if they wanted to watch a movie or share an intimate conversation or if they just got lonely and wanted to cuddle.

  
   Lauren watched as Camilla started to roll out of her bunk.

   "Not tonight." She warned, fragile and vulnerable.

   Camila stopped and made quick eye contact with stained red and emerald diamonds. Red because of the amount of crying she had been doing. Emerald because  _wow_.. Those eyes..

   It's been going on for about a week now.

   6 days actually.

   6 days since they left Miami to continue their tour.

   6 days since she'd last seen Luis.

   6 days since he told her distance wasn't working out for him.

   6 days since he broke her heart.

   Lauren's not one to show her feelings.

   She keeps things inside.

   She listens though...

   She's a great listener!

   However, she never speaks her mind.

   She keeps all her problems building up in her system until they get so concealed and suffocated they burst.

   Yeah, she's that type of sad.

   And now??

   She's breaking right now.

   Camila can see that and she understood that if the older girl needed her space, she should grant it to her.

   Camila’s heart ached for her best friend, though. She seemed to be okay during the day or when she was around the girls, but when she waited until everyone was asleep, she knows her best friend was hurting.

   "Okay babe." Camila says, retracting back into her little bunk. "Take the time you need." She smiled sweetly, letting Lauren's curtain slip closed.

   She stayed there for a moment though. Propped onto her hands, half way in and half way out of her bunk, staring at the closed curtain in front of her. She huffed, hearing Lauren's muffled sobs in her pillow.

-

   She swears that if that boy has been hurting her again she'd end him.

   The thought boils inside Camila as she looks over at Lauren, playing with the food on her plate in the back stage cafeteria of their next gig.

   Lauren looks over at Camila, feeling the side of her head burn with silent daggers for eyes.

   She offers a small smile, but she's still mad.

   She mouths  _Luis_? and Lauren shakes her head slowly.

   Camila’s jaw clenched. She's had enough of his bullshit. Calling her late hours in the night/all hours of the day drunk off his ass. Camila doesn't mean to, but the curiosity in her often has an ear to the door or casually standing around the corner from where she's speaking to her boyfriend.

   Dinah laughs loud and dominant, jolting Camila from her gaze at Lauren.

   "Mani, you're too funny!" The youngest laughs, slamming a hand on the table.

   After Camila checks the source of the noise she turns back to her main interest, noticing the other girl turned back to playing with her food on her fork.

   She looks so small, so innocent and sweet when she's in this vulnerable state. Yet, she's still Beautiful. Even when she cried, Camila concluded.

   Camila’s always thought Lauren was attractive. All of the fifth harmony girls were, but her eyes always wondered to Lauren's the most.

   She bites her lip as their tour manager walks in warning 20 minutes until they had to get ready for stage time.

   Lauren huffs and takes her plate to the garbage, throwing out the food she's hardly touched.

   Camila’s eyes follow Lauren as she walks passed the younger girl and out the double doors.

   "What's up with Lauren?" Ally asks, tapping Camila’s arm.

   "I don't know, she's just not herself right now." The younger one lies, having just been told the source of the older brunettes discomfort, she’s not sure she would appreciate the confession going around.

   Ally's facial features sinks, she knows the feeling of helplessness when she sees it, and the band has seen that frequently this past week.

   Ally deflated, huffing in acknowledgment. "You should go talk to her."

   Camila shrugs. "She just needs time. She'll be ready for show time. She knows what's more important."

   The smallest of the group takes an uneaten Apple off her tray and hands it to Camila. "She hasn't eaten." The bandmate motions for Camila to take it, which she does with a small smile and a mouthed _thank you_ , and with that, she's out the door, leaving her lunch behind for the others to clean (as usual).

-

   She finds Lauren in her dressing room, practicing breathing techniques their choreographer had taught them.

   Camila leaned against the door quietly, watching as Lauren's stomach muscles rose and relaxed with every breath. Her eyes were closed so she couldn't see the gaze. At least, that's what Camila thought.

   "You're staring." Lauren chuckled.

   Camila cleared her throat and presented the apple Ally had given her with a sweet smile.

   Lauren smiled back with a huff and walked over to Camila. As she approached the shorter girl, her eyes became sad again and her lips curled down.

   "Oh no baby don't cry.." Camila wrapped her arms around Lauren's torso, the taller girls’ arms around her neck.

   "He's such an ass." Lauren chocked.

   "And you're too good for him." Camila closed her eyes and smoothed the curls in Lauren's hair with one hand, still holding onto the apple with the other.

   "God don't you think I know that?" Lauren snorted, backing up to wipe her eyes.

   Camila took control of finishing off the tears with her sweater sleeves. Lauren looked down, tears still running. "Why are you so good to me?" Lauren asked, holding one of Camila’s hands and taking the apple from her other.

   It didn't take Camila long to come up with an answer. "Because I got the pleasure of loving you more than that douche canoe ever could."

   They both laughed and fell into comfortable silence as Lauren bit into her apple.

   "So, did you want to talk about it?" Camila asked, cautiously.

   Lauren's face fell again.

_Fuck, wrong move Cabello._

   "Sorry." Camila knew her wrong and searched the other girls face for some sort of emotion.

   "No, no, you know what it's okay." Lauren nodded and took another bite. "You're right."

   Camila raised an eyebrow at how fast this girl changed her mind.

   "I am better than him." Camila smiled as Lauren chewed. "But maybe this is a conversation for after the show??"

   Camila took Lauren's free hand in both of hers, drawing pictures in her palm. "Sure, whatever you need."

-

   She's not really sure how it happens, but it happens..

   One minute the girls are celebrating their awesome show and then next Lauren has her tongue down Camila’s throat.

   Just seconds ago, Lauren had taken Camila’s hand and dragged her into her dressing room. She slammed the door and Camila giggled asking  _What are we doing?_  and then Lauren had her pinned against the back of the door.

   Sure Camila thought Lauren was pretty and smart and that whole bad girl image maybe had her mind racing with how nice her ass looked and-  _wait what?_  This is Lauren and Camila we're talking about.  **BEST FRIENDS**. Best friends don't kiss. Not like this anyway. Best friends don't think about how great their best friends ass looked on stage tonight. Best friends don't moan into each other’s mouths as one pushes her knee into the others core.

   Camila’s eyes shot open as she pushed Lauren back slightly.

   Both girls looked at each other, catching their breaths.

 _Lauren made me moan_. Camila thought. Her fingers somehow found their way to her lips where she felt around the tingles, watching Lauren intently.

   Lauren's eyes filled with all sorts of emotions. "I'm sorry, I just.." She started to cry again, kneeling on the floor, face in her hands. "I just don't understand this feeling."

   Camila stood still, looking at the same place Lauren was just standing.  _Lauren kissed me... And I... I think I liked it..._

   "I just feel so lost and so lonely and I hoped you'd have the answer.." There was another moment of just hearing Lauren's sniffles. "He cheated on me Camz.."

   Camila snapped out of her daydream and knelt beside her best- _Lauren_. What were they? Had something changed? This isn't the time to wonder.

   "Hey, Lo." Camila wasn't sure if Lauren wanted to be touched or not, so she settled on placing her hand close to the older girls shoe. "It's okay. I don't mind. But, I don't have the answers, babe. Okay? He's a dick, it's what dicks do. They dick around."

   Lauren giggled at the amount of times the innocent one of the group used the word dick. She nodded, moving her hand to lay on top of the smaller girls.

   Camila ignored the feeling it gave her to have contact.

   "Thank you, seriously." Lauren pulled her into a hug, which sends all kinds of feelings soaring around Camila’s body.

-

   The second time they kiss, they're in Camila’s bunk listening to music at 3:30am.

   It's been weeks and Lauren has made progress in her small depression.

   They haven't talked much about what happened between them. Camila wanted it to be this sacred thing; her best friend stealing her first kiss. She liked the sound of it, and she didn't want to over analyze it too much.

   But, she realized feelings for the older girl started to arise.

 _Could a kiss do that?_  She often thought.  _Just bring up feelings you didn't know you had? She's my best friend. This isn't the way it goes._

   The fact that Lauren was a girl and prior to the kiss she was pretty certain she was straight, wasn't the thing that bothered her. It was the best friend thing.

   She's watched the movies..

   She knows how this turns out...

   But, does Lauren feel the same?

   They kiss because Lauren confessed that after she calmed down that day, she felt her lips and re-played that day's events in her head. She said it was nice and that she was sorry she had stolen her best friends’ first kiss.

   Camila laughed it off, careful not to wake the other girls.

   They were on the road so they didn't have anything planned for tomorrow morning. It was a day to relax.

   Camila had said that she's happy with how it made her feel and made sure to explain it as platonic as possible, saying she's glad it was with someone she loves and trusts and she says that if Lauren ever wanted to do it again, she wouldn't stop her.

   So, this time Lauren shook her head in understanding, but it was dark so Camila couldn't see the girls reaction on her face.

   "Do you want to kiss me again?" She had asked the older girl.

   "Well I mean.." She cleared her throat. "I wouldn't be totally opposed to it.. You know.. For platonic, lonely purposes."

   This made Camila laugh again, this time a bit too loud.

   "Yo shuu thefuck up before I beatchyo ass.." Dinah mumbled in her sleep.

   This caused the girls to cover their mouths.

   But, Camila got serious again. "What's with the hesitation? Was I that bad?" She whispered jokingly.

   "Uh..."

   "What? Really? Okay well it was my first and you caught me off guard." She scuffed. "You weren't that great either." She lied.

   Lauren snorted, turning to face the other girl. "Oh really?"

   She took that as a challenge.

   " _Ohhhh_ Lauren.." She moaned, making kissing noises.

   "Oh shut up, I didn't say your name." Camila smacked her arm, turning to face Lauren again.

   She ignored the feeling in the bottom of her stomach to hear the other girl moan, even if it was for a joke.

   "Nah but you liked it." Lauren pushed.

   "Okay whatever so you're _kindofagoodkisser_.." She pushed out.

   Lauren made a victory smirk but let her face shrink a little. "You know..." She started, using her left hand to draw pictures on Camila’s arm. "I could always teach you.."

   Camila felt a blush creep up her neck. Thank god, Lauren couldn't see her.

   "I wouldn't be totally opposed-"

   "Oh shut up." Lauren pushing her shoulder slightly interrupted her.

   That's when Camila built up the courage and kissed her.

   It was slow and better than the first time because she actually knew what was going on.

   Lauren kissed her back without hesitation, bringing her hand up to the other girls’ cheek.

   She let Camila lead, giving the smaller girl the opportunity to explore this new territory.

   Lauren would be lying if she said her stomach wasn't twisting with every stroke of Camila’s tongue. She always liked kissing. In a way, she thought it was more intimate than sex.

   "Close your eyes." Lauren mumbled against Camila’s lips.

   Camila hummed, closing them. Lauren just sighed a laugh and shook her head.

   She was the first to pull away.

   "How was that?" Camila asked, shuddering the words. She's nervous, no doubt.

   "Fine." Lauren states.

   Camila scuffs. "Just fine?"

   "Well." Lauren sighs. "Let me show you." She moves her hand from Camila’s face and climbs on top of her, one hand on the smaller girls’ hipbone, the other directing one of her hands to her own hair.

   Camila immediately took a handful and squeezed.

   "Like that?" She whispered, everything fluttering from their new closeness.

   Lauren didn't say anything, instead lacing her hand that wasn't on the other girls hip with Camila’s free hand and locking it above their heads.

   "Are you okay?" She asked the younger girl.

   She nodded. "Yeah." Was all she could manage to say.

   "Okay." Lauren smiled, dipping down and capturing Camila’s lips in a passionate lip lock once again.

   The third time they kissed lasted for all of 5 minutes before Lauren climbed off the younger girl saying she was tired.

   Camila nodded and wished her a goodnight, watching as the older girl climbed out of her bunk and into the one across.

   Neither girl slept that night.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was written under the assumption that you've seen this ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=22R3xufgbL8&index=4&list=PLBQgA3Kndk7cnp5SQoeveTPXuxCGpPoRx ) video, so if you haven't, please watch really quick and enjoy :)

Waking up with a stretch and a yawn, the doe eyed girl hums and licks her lips, tasting something slightly unfamiliar.

Her brows furrow as her fingertips touch her bottom lip lightly. 

Upon realization, she smiles. Lauren's lips had been on hers not 7 hours ago, yet the faint taste of bubblegum lip-gloss makes her feel like it happened just seconds before.

It's faint, from the hours washed away by sleep, but it's present enough to make Camila's heart flutter.

She smiled sleepily, huffing as she checked her phone to see a few messages from Ally and one from her mom.

 

Allycat: 10:36am

_Wake up girl! We're going to waffle house!_

Allycat: 10:43am

_Mila, we're leaving 5 with or without you.._

 

Mommabear: 10:54am

 _Buenos días_   _hija I miss you sweetheart! Sofi wishes to speak to you later on today, try to make time for her please? xoxo_

 

Allycat: 11:03am 

_Seriously, Mila, how are you still sleeping?_

 

Camila shakes her head with a chuckle, unlocking her phone to reply to her messages.

 

When she's finished apologizing to Ally and telling her mother to call whenever since they have the day off, Camila rolls out of her bunk to see Lauren's slightly opened.

She peaks in but the taller brunette's nowhere to be seen. Camila concludes she's probably gone to the waffle house with the rest of the girls. 

The time on her phone reads 11:46am so they should be back anytime now. How long does it take to devour waffles anyways?

The Latina makes her way to the bus bathroom to relieve herself and then snags an apple off the bowl on the counter, making her way to the back hangout room to catch up on some reading.

After grabbing "To kill a mockingbird" from her bunks little library, she takes a bite and opens the door to the back room, startled to see Lauren asleep on the small 'L' shaped sofa.

Laurens always been a heavy sleeper. If she wasn't scheduled for something, she was up on her time. This girl would sleep all day if she wanted, and then proceed to sleep all night as well. 

She smiles to herself, sliding the door closed to give the girl her privacy when she hears a faint 'hmm' in protest.

"Camz?" The sleepy girl whines. "Come lay with me."

Camila's mouth hangs slightly ajar as her apple stills inches away from her mouth. She slides the door fully open to see Lauren rubbing her eyes with a yawn.

Her eyes flutter open and she smiles, letting out a deep breath looking up at Camila. 

Camila could get lost in those eyes forever, and she has. They're just so mysterious, jumping from hazel to green to grey...

She watches as Lauren makes an effort to open the comforter for Camila to slip into.

She felt her cheeks flush, slowly making her way towards Lauren. She places her book on the table above Lauren's head, and the apple right next to it.

Before she lays, she’s interrupted by a grunt. "The _dooooor_." The older girl whines.

"Right, you hate open doors." Camila mentally slaps herself, getting up and closing the door before slipping into the comfort and warmth of her best friend.

She wants desperately to turn around to be engulfed by her arms. To be intimately held. To be kissed again. However, she stays where she is for the safety of the friendship, or whatever they were.

They've kissed...  **Three times**. Each time better than the last but all meaning the absolute world to the smaller girl. She wants more of her best friend, but she'd rather let this play out - whatever this was - then ruin their relationship by doing something implosive without talking about anything first.

If anything were going to happen, it would be Laurens call. Camila knows how she feels... Or.. At least she thinks she does... However, she also knows that Lauren just got out of a not-so-good relationship and she wouldn't want to complicated things for the older girl. If she needed Camila's help with moving on, she'll be happy to lend a hand... Alternatively, lips... Point being, Camila decides that if Lauren needs a rebound, Camila is okay being that person. Lauren kind of mentioned that to her the day she told the younger girl about everything. I mean, she told Camila the thought she held some secret answer to why her boy- ex-boyfriend did what he did. She obviously needed Camila for that reason.. Right?

It's all so very confusing for the petite girl, but she'll be anything Lauren needs her to be, feelings aside. (Although her feelings for Lauren are  _very_  present and they don't plan on leaving anytime soon.)

It's not lust.. At least that's not what Camila thinks.. It's curiosity.. I mean sure, she's looked at girls and thought they were attractive. Hell, she's always thought Lauren was, but this is a new kind of attraction. This isn't..  _Oh wow, you're really pretty, I wanna be you_.. No, this is...  _Oh wow, you're really pretty, I wanna kiss you... Repeatedly.._. And that scares the hell out of Camila.

And the thing is... She knows she shouldn't be thinking about this while she can feel her best friends heart racing against her back.

_Why was her best friends heart racing?_

_Was it maybe a bad dream?_

_Or was it for the same reason her own heart was racing?.._

There's a lingering heaviness in the air as they lay there, Camila deep in thought.

"Camz..." Lauren breaths out, tickling the smaller girls ear.

"Hmm?" She smiles, closing her eyes.

"You're tense." Lauren states. "Relax." She places a reassuring arm around the smaller girls’ waist, not knowing she's the reason for Camila's discomfort.

It's not that she's uncomfortable.. She's comfortable, very comfortable, especially now that Lauren's nuzzling her nose into the back of her neck. Nevertheless, she has some new feelings for her friend that she feels she should not be feeling. As a result, she hasn't stopped thinking about the older girls lips since she woke up from her light slumber just minutes ago.

By now, Lauren's breathing has evened out and become smooth against the girls tan neck. It's soothing, Camila thinks, and she smiles to herself once again before relaxing into the older girls embrace.

 

-

 

A chamber of laughs and a slammed bus door wakes her. Camila wipes her eyes and yawns, starting to sit up from her nap.

"No." Lauren grunts, holding the petite girl a little tighter around her waist. 

Camila doesn't miss how adorable the older girls raspy voice sounds after she's just awoken from her sleep. The thought of having her friends arms tightly around her makes her debate on getting up or not. 

It only makes the ache in her chest feel tighter; she should really get up... She needs to get up..

She had forgotten all about her apple when she sees it starting to brown on the floor on the other side of the room. She uses that as an excuse to get up; telling Lauren it'll attract bugs if she doesn't throw it away. She can faintly hear the three other girls conversing in the front of the bunk. Something about Austin Mahone DMing Dinah on Twitter and then she hears something about somebody's phone number. She's not really sure, but she wants to get up to ask, the curiosity taking hold of her.

She feels Lauren pull her back down as she tries to get up again.

"Lo.." Camila likes this feeling, she can't deny it, but part of her knows she shouldn't be feeling these things and something in the back of her mind tells her to steer clear of it. The feeling anyway.. Nevertheless, the brunette falls back into the warmth of Lauren's embrace before Ally slides the door open, mid-laugh and _'awww's'_ at her friends little cuddle session, calling the other girls to come look.

Camila's face threatens pink as she feels Lauren retract her arm and turn on her stomach. The older girl grumbles into her pillow as three squealing girls joke about Ally's discovery.

 

-

 

That day went by pretty slowly. The only fun thing any of the girls had done was shoot an episode of "The Fifth Harmony Takeover" for awesomeness T.V.

After the girls got back from their stop at Waffle House and joked about Lauren and Camila being "the worlds cutest couple" (like they usually did) Camila eventually got up, this time without hesitation from the older girl. 

The three girls left the backroom so that Lauren and Camila would have room to get dressed for the day, after their tour manager informed them about the day’s events.

 

A few moments have passed as the girls went around the bus, finding their clothes and returned to the back to freely get changed.

As Camila lifted her shirt up and over her head, she spotted Lauren's wandering eyes on her bare back from the mirror. Her cheeks flushed feverishly as she locked eyes with a pair of emerald orbs over her shoulder. 

Lauren's mouth hung open agape, holding the sides of her own shirt, ready to pull it over her head. They stayed quiet, Camila turning completely around, it doesn't occur to her that her band mate may be feeling the same way towards her when she does it, but she takes a dangerous step closer.

Lauren took her shirt off, slowly reaching for the navy blue turtleneck she would be wearing that day. That's when Camila notices the goosebumps on her bandmates arms, the way she licks her lips while looking down at hers.

Camila let her eyes rake over her bandmates torso, studying the curve of her sides and scattered freckles. She counts 4 that she could see.

Her breath hitches as Camila lifts her hand to brush away a stray eyelash before taking a small step back, creating space between the obvious tensions.

They've all seen each other in various states of naked, due to how close they were and always having to change in the same room for tour. However, this is a new kind of closeness for the girls. The newfound attraction towards one another is messing with their brains. 

Lauren is the first one to notice this, switching her view to the browning Apple on the floor. She points to it and dumbly mumbles, "Apple." To which she has to repeat herself because apparently Camila didn't hear her the first time. 

"Your apple..." She points again, Camila turning her head to her long forgotten fruit. 

A part of her finds irony in this.. It's a forbidden fruit. Well not really, it's still edible, but Camila has this thing she hates with bruised fruits.. Anyway, the irony in all of this is that in a way, Lauren is a forbidden fruit, along with the apple that Camila failed to finish. Whatever happened between the girls the night before may never happen again. I mean, Lauren  _was just_  teaching her... Right?

Sure, she's open for whatever happens.. But, how does she know they want the same thing? Camila's not even sure if she knows what she wants. She just knows whatever it is, it's with Lauren.

Camila turns back around to see Lauren facing the opposite way, torso covered, starting to unbutton her pants.

She decides to turn around too, giving the girl her privacy.

 

-

 

Lauren is accompanied by Normani and Dinah in the back room as Camila and Ally are somewhere in the front.

The apples gone, but the feeling of Camilas soft fingertip lingers on her cheek. She zones out, thinking about everything that's happened the past days, her mind settling on one day in particular.

The day she stole Camilas first kiss.

The smaller brunette was such a doll about comforting Lauren after Luis broke her heart. Lauren's always been the one to be broken up with. She's accustomed to it by now if anything, but something about this one boy hit her hard. He wasn't her first for everything. But, he was the first boy to say 'I love you' and mean it. But, did he mean it? He was also the first boy to cheat on her. The first to argue with her while they were 1000's of miles apart, the first to buy her 17 roses on her 17th birthday, the first to make an attempt to be understanding of her over protective family after her previous broken hearts. He  _was_  a good guy. Maybe distance just wasn't for him?

Lauren shook her head from the thoughts. She knows she shouldn't be making excuses for him, I mean she  _is_  pretty sure she's 100% over him. Right?

As she's thinking, Ally skips in followed by Camila and the camera man.

 _Camila_... 

Her mind brings her to comparing her newly found feelings to her ex.

He had dark hair, dark eyes, tan skin..

Camila has dark hair, dark eyes, tan skin..

Maybe Lauren didn't have feelings for her bandmate at all.. Maybe her brain was drawing her closer to the girl because of the similarities they shared, kind of like he's still here with her, still together.

That must be it, she thinks, because she's petrified if that's not the case.

Camila is hilarious, Luis is funny too.

Camila has a contagious laugh, Luis had a contagious laugh.

Camila is smart and bright and has soft skin and soft lips and...

Lauren shakes her head. She shouldn't be thinking about this, not with Camila sitting right next to her. 

And she shouldn't be comparing the two either. That's not fair to Camila. She's also so much more than he is.

She _cares_..

She would never do Lauren like Luis did her, in a figurative manner opposed to actuality.. Cause Camila's a girl and they couldn't do the things her and Luis did, but something about girls in bed always intrigued Lauren.

Their skin is softer, their voices comforting and kind, her lips so irresistible..

"Lauren..." Camila waves a hand in front of Laurens face, breaking her gaze from the younger girls’ lips.

She notices how Camila chews her cereal, shoving most of it in her mouth at once, but notices the way her lips twitch at the sides, the crease creating lines she's never noticed before.

She feels all eyes on her as the cinematographer adjusts his lenses.

"Sorry..." Lauren blinked away, blushing down to her phone. "I got lost there for a sec."

 

-

 

Lauren can't shake her thoughts of the girl as their "takeover" pursues. 

She tries to distract herself with finding things to do as the camera man ( and their tour manager ) tells them he's rolling.

Camila’s been surprisingly quiet, munching away on her food.

 _Is something wrong? Did I do something wrong?_  Lauren thinks, because this is strange behavior.. Even for the youngest Latina.

But, then Lauren hears Camila voice as they're all discussing and her eyes drift to the other girls lips again. 

She looks away shortly after, taking a steady breath as she looks at her phone again, scrolling through the "cool road trip game ideas" list she found on google.

Dinah suggests tag but Lauren's far too lazy to get up, instead agreeing with Camila when she states exactly what Lauren had just been thinking... "That requires movement.."

"I love you so much." She hears her say, creating a tiny ping in Laurens chest. It's unwelcome and she doesn't understand why hearing it hurts her a bit.

They tell each other they love them all the time. Why is this time different?

"Pin the tail on the donkey?" Normani suggests with a shrug.

"What? No." Ally laughs.

"No but like with our own twist.." She tries to explain.

She gets a series of "What's" and "huh's" before Camila stands up, suddenly her outgoing loud self again.

Lauren watches as Camila explains what she thinks is a "great idea" when Mani turns around. 

Laurens hit with that feeling again. She doesn't like it. Camila's a touchy person, she always has been, but the fact that she's putting things on Normani's butt enrages her, so she speaks up on a different idea to try to stop it.

"Guys, I kinda like psychiatrist.." Lauren starts. It's the first thing she see's when she decides she needs this game to end.

No one listens to her, averting her eyes back to her phone as Camila proceeds to place a book on Normani’s rear for her to guess as to what it is.

Lauren watches Normani's face as she tries to guess, whispering "book" so that the game could be over with quicker.

She's relieved as Dinah pats the seat for the taller girl to sit down suggesting a game of tag.

Why were these feelings becoming more present now? The more she absentmindedly skips over game ideas, the more the thought of Camila touching anyone else, even as a game bothers her. She knows it’s not her place, it’s not like she owns the girls, but the thought of her and Camila being something more does briefly pop into her mind.

When she looks up from her phone again, Dinah is standing in the corner and Camila is next to her once again.

Their little game presumes with Lauren being tagged, tagging Ally, tagging Mani, tagging Camila and then Camila elbowing her knee. 

"You're supposed to run." Dinah whines, causing Camila to jump up and chase after her into the narrow halls of the bunks.

Lauren's eyes droop to the smaller girls behind as she stands. She takes a second to appreciate the smaller girls’ curves before laughing at how they're playing, Camila climbing awkwardly into a bunk.

Lauren feels the need to change the game again once the smaller girl declares a tickle fight.

Therefore, she suggests a game of "chicken" and gladly laughs over the girls playing without Camila's involvement. 

She can't help the way she watches the younger girl intently as she lunges herself at Mani and then proceeds to do a somersault, giving a very nice view to those whose eyes are watching.

_Wait what? Lauren, NO!_

 

Later on, a short game of "Never have I ever" starts. 

She doesn't miss the way Camila stutters with saying "Never have I ever kissed... a boy in the rain." Lauren smiles, thinking about how she'd like to kiss a certain someone in the rain. She subconsciously puts a finger down, even though she hasn't done it. The thought alone makes her feel like she has, butterflies tickling her tummy.

 

The takeover shortly comes to an end as nobody has anymore "fun" ideas to pass the time for the camera.

With a quick glance to her new interest, their manager calls cut and thanks them for their time before making his way back to the front of the bus.

"Well that was uneventful." Lauren giggles, earning annoyed looks from the girls.

"Well, that's because you didn't do anything, party pooper!" Dinah counters.

"Hey, hey, leave Lo alone okay?" Camila interferes the little teasing. "She was the game host, planner, person." She awkwardly stumbles over her words.

"Awe, you're sticking up for your girlfriend, how cute.." Mani bats her eyelashes at the two.

They share a look quickly before Camila's phone starts to ring from her pocket.

 

-

 

"Hola Mami!" Camila smiles into the phone as she makes her way into her bunk for a bit more privacy. "Si, everything is good over here." She giggles hearing Sofia yell, "I wanna talk to Mila!" repeatedly in the background.

Her mother hands off the phone before saying her goodbyes and I love yous.

"Mila, Mila, Mila!" Her sister excites.

"Hi, princess! How are you?" She sends back just as much enthusiasm. 

"I'm great!"

"Oh yeah? How is school going? Are you getting good grades?"

Talks with her little sister always end up with her ranting about how much she dislikes school (because "Hate is a strong word, Mila!") and they always bring her to tears because her sister is her best friend and she hates  -sorry.. dislikes- not being there to watch how the middle of her forehead bunches when she vents about things that bother her or how her friends did something silly in lunch that day.

She doesn't get to talk to her family much, but when she does, conversations with her sister always bring her to believe that being away for so long somehow makes it all worth it.

Her sister always ends the call with how proud she is that her big sister is a big shot movie star, and then Camila would have to correct her to remind her that she’s a pop star, not a movie star. Nevertheless, the 6 year old always seems to forget the next time she tells her.

So, this time when she tells her, Camila doesn't correct her, instead saying she's proud of her too, letting a stay tear climb its way down her cheek.

"Feliz cumpleaños, Princesa." She whispers.

 

-

 

That night, while everyone is asleep, Camila crawls into Lauren's bunk and wraps her arms around the sleeping body in front of her.

She doesn't have a reason for doing so, but then again, anything the two do don't really have a reason.. She hasn't gotten the chance to talk about the little encounter they exchanged while changing but Camila thinks its best left unsaid.. An unspoken understanding. 

Lauren turns to face the smaller girl, smiling as their eyes meet. A genuine, sweet smile only reserved for her.

Camila doesn't think she could ever get passed that smile. She watches as Lauren's mouth falters and her brows furrow. 

She reaches up and wipes a tear from Camila's cheek. The girl didn't even know she was crying.

"Camz..." Lauren keeps her palm resting on the younger girls’ face, concern filling her emotion immediately. Camila keeps smiling, reaching up to hold Lauren's hand, snuggling her cheek, collecting all of Lauren's touch. 

"Today's Sofi's birthday." Camila states. She probably misses her little sister the most out of her family members. She loves them all equally, but Sophia needs looking after, something her big sister can't do.. Especially now that today she's a year older.

Lauren only nods, comforting her in the only way she can..

She kisses the top of Camila's knuckles one by one individually.

Then she shifts closer, kissing both the girls cheeks, forehead, nose, both closed eyes and hesitates before pressing a small kiss to her lips.

Camila almost forgets how to breathe. The kiss wasn't forced, it wasn't uncomfortable.. It's just what she needed.

Lauren always knew how to cheer people up, reading their emotions right away, knowing exactly what to say or how tight to hug or how fragile to touch.. To kiss..

When the younger girl finally opens her eyes, Lauren's hand clears her tears once more before lacing her fingers between Camila's.

 

She stops crying.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter corresponds really well with the song "I found" by Amber Run (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PbSZhGONRBg)
> 
> And this is based on an actual conversation I had with my friend, although some things have been altered.

They don't talk about the kisses.

They never talk about them.

It's been a month since her best friend stole her first kiss and Camila has no idea about how she feels about this. Any of this...

She lay on the roof of the bus comfortably, with a blanket under her and her portable speaker beside her playing Ed Sheerans ‘Lego house’ softly.

They've stopped in yet another city whose name she'll be informed about later. All she cares about right now is relaxation and comfort.

She hums to the melody as her thoughts start to wander.

She felt the warmth of the sun chased by a gentle breeze, creating the perfect temperature of calmness for her rest.

Her eyes rest closed, hands folded on top of her stomach.

She's had one thing on her mind all morning.

 _Lauren_.

"How did you get up there?" The subject of her thoughts brings her back to reality.

Camila sits up and watches as Lauren stretches her arms and then places her hands on her hips looking up and the smaller girl.

Both girls wear puzzled looks

 "You know..." Camila starts, "it's a really strange world we live in..." 

There's a pause for a moment as Lauren shifts from resting on her right side to her left.

"How do you mean?" She questions, pulling her arm up to block out the sun.

Camila pauses for a moment, trying to put together what she had meant to form a coherent statement. 

"I just mean.." She huffs, ultimately shutting her speaker off and motioning for Lauren to follow her to the back of the bus, where she slides the built in latter down for the taller girl to grab.

Once Lauren's climbed and gained her balance, they step over the various windows, latches and vents that settle on the top, back to where Camila’s blanket lay.

"I just mean," she starts again, "it's just so crazy you know?" She looks over at Lauren who is watching her intently. "We drive around in fancy limos and fancy cars, and that one time I went in the helicopter with Dinah.." Lauren giggled, remembering how afraid the rest of the girls were to join the duo.

Camila pauses again for a moment, looking off at the few straggling fans watching them from the gate.

 Lauren can sense something off with the smaller girl. She follows her eyesight to the fans and smiles, waving.

The bunch of stragglers scream with excitement to when Lauren giggles and whispers, "They're so cute" to Camila who smiles in return.

 "So.." Pause. "Did you want to talk about it?"

Camila looked over at Lauren expectantly. "Talk about what?" She furrows her eyebrows in curiosity.

The raven-haired girl chuckles, leaning her arms to rest behind her while her legs lay straight in front of her. "Talk about what's going on in that pretty little head of yours, of course." She concludes, taping Camila's nose in the process.

The younger girl only scrunches up her nose and huffs out a laugh in response.

"Come on Camz, you can talk to me." 

The smaller girl locks eyes with intense green orbs. Now would be a good time as ever to bring it up wouldn't it? She wants so badly to just talk about what’s going on between the two, if there even is anything going on between them. 

She's about to say something when a memory of Lauren's past words play themselves in her head.

_"I just feel so lost and so lonely and I hoped you'd have the answer.."_

What does she mean by that? It's a question she's been thinking about quite often lately. That's the only thing that keeps her from exploring this new opportunity to get some sort of... closure or answers or  _something_.

"It's nothing." The brunette shakes her head and looks down, picking away at her nail polish and watching the flakes float down in between her crossed legs.

Lauren hums. She knows she shouldn't push the younger Latina. She'll open up when she's ready. It still hurts that Lauren has to sit around and act like everything is okay when it's clearly not.

"Well, we could play a game if you want?" She offers the distraction, to where Camila looks up hopeful, a small smile tugging at her lips.

"What kind of game?" She questions.

"Huh.. I haven't thought of one yet.."

Both girls giggle, when Camila comes up with an idea.

"Hey, did you know that some snails have over a hundred teeth and could kill you?"

"Camz, that's ridiculous." Lauren laughs. "Where did you learn that?"

"Instagram facts page, I think..." She trails, trying to remember.

"That's hard core." Lauren nods in approval. "Go snails."

Camila shakes her head at the thought.

"Did you know that humans have an extra eyelid thingy in the corner of their eyes that are virtually useless?"

"Really?" Camila wonders, checking her reflection in her phone. "What was it's use before?"

"Pfft, hell if I know.." She scuffs, throwing her right leg over her left and leaning her head on her left shoulder. "Same with the Appendix though. It was used to handle the effects the body has on raw mean but since we cook meat now, its purpose dwindled. We can get sick by eating meat raw now." She concluded.

Camila knew that. She remembers learning about it in science back in high school. However, the look in Lauren's eyes whenever she thinks she's educated someone is far more entertaining than admitting she already knew that little fact. "Wow, interesting.."

"It was for the cavemen really.."

"Well, did you know that we have hair on every part of our bodies except for your nails and eyes?" Camila throws back, hoping to stump the older girl.

"Wow, no. That's so strange.."

"Yup." Camila hums with a smile, victorious in her goal.

Lauren's eyebrows furrow in thought before she speaks up again.

"Like even in the palm of your hands?" She asks, picking up one of Camila's hands to draw circles in her palms.

"Uh, yeah.." Camila begrudgingly takes her hand back and clears her throat, trying to ignore the amount of butterflies erupting in her stomach from the mere touch. "Little tiny hairs..."

 

-

 

It's past midnight when the band settles down in their respective hotel rooms for the night.

Dinah bunks with Normani, Camila bunks with Lauren and Ally has a room all to herself, per usual.

They're in another nameless town, tired from the show they've just finished preforming not an hour earlier, Lauren appears out of a well-deserved shower and plops down on her bed in nothing but her white bathrobe, with a solid grunt into the pillows.

Camila, on the other hand, has been washed and dressed for a while now, scrolling away on Subway Surfers and currently killing her rivals by beating their high scores.

Lauren grunts again, trying to gain the brunettes attention, but to no avail.

She get’s back up off the bed and walks over to her dresser, pulling out a pair of pj bottoms and a top and heads back into the bathroom to get changed really quick.

She noticed the T-shirt she’s wearing is from her old high school. All of her peers signed it before she dropped out to become an international superstar.

She's feeling nostalgic tonight, looking at that shirt. 

It's late and she just wants to have deep meaningful conversations with her best friend like they usually do on tired nights like these.

She narrows her eyes in a silent competition with herself to see how many noises it takes to reel in the shorter girls attention.

She gets through all of 6 more grunts and switched positions on top of her bed to finally get the other to respond.

"Yes, Lauren, I heard you the first 10 obnoxious times." She huffs, continuing her never-ending game. She's already lost 8 times but keeps using her keys to keep the game going.

Her mother's credit card bill is going to  _hate_  her for continuously buying more keys.

"Pay attention to _meeeeee_." The other girl whines, jumping from her bed to the smaller girls, knocking her phone out of her hands."

" _LAURENNNN_!!" Camila scolds, annoyed.

Lauren stops her jumps in a swift, criss-crossed sit in front of her friend with a dopey smile.

"You're sitting on my phone." The younger one states tiredly.

"Ah whaaale.. Guess you're gonna have to pay attention to me now." She smiles wide, showing all of her teeth with clenched eyes.

Camila tries to hide a smile with little effort, resulting to poking Lauren in the arm, to which she feigns hurt and pouts.

"Yeah, or I could continue ignoring you and play my game until I run out of keys again." She acknowledges, before pushing Lauren slightly to the side. "Go away, I was busy."

Lauren ignores her demands by picking up her phone from under her and walking across the room to the light switch.

" _Laureeeeen_." The younger whines. 

She ignores her, of course, resulting in shutting the lights off before plugging her phone into its respective outlet, along with Camila's before climbing under the sheets with the younger girl.

"You're annoying." Camila complains, laying on her side to face her friend.

"Oh hush, you love me." Lauren jokes, shoving the smaller girls shoulder lightly.

 _You have no idea how close to the truth that is_. Camila thinks, instead she reply's with a grouchy, "What do you want?.."

"I wanna cuddle and talk about stupid, deep things." She answers, flipping onto her back and pulling Camila into her body. 

Camila lays her head on the taller girls’ chest, folding her leg and arm over her human pillow, like they normally would laying together.

This is the first time they've been close like this since their last kiss a few weeks ago. Camila tries not to think about how the smell of her hair makes her vision blurry or how the feel of her warm skin makes her mind go blank. She only hums with a smile as she hears Lauren start to speak.

"You know what I've been thinking about lately, Camz?"

"Hmm?" She hums in reply. She knows Lauren is about to get into a heated rant about something she's clearly very passionate about but Camila's eyelids are starting to get heavy as she listens to the steady beat of Lauren's heart against her ear.

"Evolution." She answers simply, looking at the ceiling and pulling her free arm to hold her head up from behind her. "I think that because of Evolution and because of the loud noises we succumb to every day, our ears will eventually start to grow bigger to comply and even out the way our bodies are reacting to that loud noise."

Camila's definitely awake now. "Wait, what?" She laughs, lifting herself up by her elbow to see if she's serious or not. "That's what’s been eating at your brain lately, Lauren? Really?" 

Lauren looks back at her with an agitated look in her eyes. "Yes, now lay back down so I can explain." She demands, physically pulling Camila back into her side, locking an arm securely around her torso to ensure her stay.

"Like I was saying..." Camila rolls her eyes in amusement, listening intently to Lauren's newest, crazy idea. "Like with music blasting in our ears from headphones and all." She shrugs.

Before Camila has a chance to add her input, Lauren continues and Camila ultimately shuts her mouth.

"I think that because... Well.." She stops and huffs for a second collecting her thoughts. "I mean, we don't hunch over any more like the cavemen did. We've evolved straighter backs to walk completely upright with balance."

"Like how some snakes don't have feet like their ancestors did," Camila cuts in, taping Laurens stomach to get her full attention before looking up and meeting her eyes. “but, fun fact, when snakes are growing as a fetus, they have little arms and legs that morph into their bodies." She finishes with a smile.

"Where do you learn this nonsense?" Lauren laughs, unsure if that is a true statement or not. Camila only shrugs and returns to her previous position of hugging close to Laurens torso. "But, yes, or like how insects used to be ginormous but more are so tiny now due to climate change and predators and all that crap."

"Evolution man..." Camila trails off. Lauren only hums, content with opening up her thoughts to the younger girl. "But, about the ear things..." She trails again for a second, looking up at Lauren once more. "That's a very interesting opinion, Lo."

"Thanks." She half smiles, looking back up to the ceiling. "It's not much of an opinion thought... More of a thought I guess." She shrugs.

The room falls into a comfortable silence where both girls reflect on their previous conversation. Minds wondering with new and creative ideas and beliefs and conspiracies.

Camila is the one to break the silence with one of her thoughts. "Did you know that nothing actually has color?" She asks.

Lauren scuffs, "That's crazy talk, Camz. Of course everything has color." She chuckles. "How tired are you anyways?"

"No, listen.." Camila blinks hard, thinking of how to word her idea. "Everything is virtually colorless.." She comes to the conclusion while Lauren stares at her in confusion and disbelief. "Just hear me out okay?"

"I'm listening.." She plays along.

"I mean, yeah it's the pigment in the object that assigns its color, or whatever, but the only way it becomes present is when light shines on it. That's why you can see things clearer in the light and not at all in the dark." She further tries to explain.

"You're losing me, Camz." Lauren absentmindedly trails her fingers up and down Camila's forearms with her fingertips, soothing into sleep.

"Well, wake up cuz’ I had to hear about your crazy ear ideas, now you listen to mine." She slaps Lauren's leg playfully before snuggling back up to her side. 

She huffs before continuing. "Color is an illusion, otherwise, we would be able to see everything at any time of day or regardless if a light is turned on or not - apart from things that glow in the dark of course." She concludes.

Lauren's takes a second to ponder on Camila's words, thinking harder and deeper into her way of looking at things.

"You know, now that you mention it, I studied it last year. That thought used to deal me out so much - illusions and what not I mean." Lauren hums, in acknowledgement. "I even had a theory in physics about it, but it's hard to explain-"

"I totally agree!" Camila butts in. "There's so many conspiracy theories out there on the concept of illusion and what is considered an illusion and what’s not. Like time for example.."

"Time?" Lauren asks, taking a second to look down at Camila in question.

Camila nods, "Time is an illusion too."

"Explain." Lauren demands, suddenly very interested in what the smaller girl has to say on the matter.

"Well-"

"Wait." She cuts her off, untangling herself from the mess of limbs and turning on the bedside light. She then sits up and motions for Camila to do the same, sitting herself right in front of Lauren. "Okay, continue."

Camila smiles, trying to hide the blush from the other girls’ intent gaze.

"Well," She starts again, "what is time when you think about it?"

Lauren shrugs.

Camila huffs, looking around the room, cracking her knuckles to which Lauren cringes and folds her hands on top of hers to stop the cracking.

Their eyes meet again before Lauren smiles in encouragement. 

"Time.. I-it slows down in space, but down here it's determined by the sun and moon?" Lauren cocks her head to the side, excited and curious to see where this little rant will take the younger girl. "I just.." She laughs quick and subtle into her words, "I just get so fucking lost in time sometimes.." She shakes her head and lets her mouth run without worrying about what’s going to slip out. "I'm always having these weird thoughts and break down about it literally all the time."

Lauren giggles and shakes her head in her hands. "That can't be healthy." She jokes.

"You shut it over there." She points a playful finger in the older girls’ direction to where she fakes defeat and smiles that beautiful fucking smile. "Like, I'm turning 18 in three months right?"

"I'm pretty sure, yeah." Lauren jests, pretending to think it through.

" _Looooo_ _!_ " Camila whines, leaning forward and draping herself lazily over Laurens lap. "Stop teasing  _meeeeeee_."

"Oh, but where's the fun in that?" She husks, running her fingertips through the brunettes log wavy locks. 

Camila has half a mind to stay in that position forever, inviting the butterflies without trouble. But Lauren has other plans as she hoists Camila back to her sitting position."

"Continue, I'll behave."

"Thank you.." She smiles, straightening her back, cracking it in the process to where Lauren cringes and scrunches her face again. Camila really wants to kiss that look right off her face but then clears her throat and rids the butterflies to continue.

"So  _anyway_.. My earliest memory would probably be around 3 years old.. People I grew up watching on T.V. are in their late 20's to early 30's, like I just find that so bizarre.."

"I know right? Like sorry, no, Ashley Tisdale you're still 16.. You're not 30.."

"Right?!?!?" Camila nods her head to prove her point. "I will literally go on a rant about time out of nowhere because I get so lost in the thought of it." 

Lauren laughs at Camila's confession, knowing all too well how the girl will spontaneously change a subject or blurt out random things when she's thinking too hard about them.

"It's an illusion." She concludes, to which Camila's face lights up, finally getting the thought through to the girl across from her.

"What is it though?" She wonders aloud. "Determined by night and day; universal; endless..."

"There's a start to finish, but who knows when those were and will be?" Lauren adds in, genuinely taking a curiosity to the way Camila's mind works.

"You know," Camila starts, shaking her head down at her lap, where she has been picking at a loose string of her sleep shorts for the last 10 minutes, "if I had a choice, I wouldn't want to know when my time stops."

"How come?"

"I'd be stressing out  _waaay_  too much about, _whatdoya know?,_ time!" She throws her hands up in defeat to where they both share a quick laugh.

"Yeah, I'd have to agree with that." Lauren states, calming down from her laugh with a lingering smile. "I'd much rather be _UN_ -educated on that matter." She stresses the 'un' to prove her point.

There's a moment of silence where Camila digs deep into her memory for a quote she heard off of Tumblr somewhere. "They say "time is the essence of your youth".. But no one tell you what that means.."

Lauren blinks, not understanding where this is going.

Camila huffs, running her fingers through her hair. "It's all about opinion and how you choose to spend your time here in your youth."

Lauren nods, letting the smaller girls words sink in.

"I mean," Camila huffs, "this is something people spend their lives studying and trying to prove and disprove and understand but nothing will ever be accomplished during their studies.." She furrows her brows as she rants, moving her hands around pointlessly to exaggerate her words. "I slowly drives them mad." She concludes in final understanding, coming up with the thought on the spot.

"And that's another thing!" She pipes up, lifting herself from the bed a bit with the force of her bounce. "The way the mind works and being " _mad_ " and all.."

Lauren smiles lovingly, admiring how fast Camila can change a subject to move onto the next passionate thing she's come up with in that beautiful brain of hers.

Listening to Camila ramble like this is one of the things Lauren's loves the most about her. Rambling in general. The girl could talk your head off, but that never seemed to bother Lauren. If she were anyone else - like Dinah or Normani talking about Beyoncé all the time - Lauren would have already blocked him or her out or shooed him or her away by now. She has never had a conversation like this with any other person, not even Luis. Lauren had tried to have passionate conversations with the boy, but they always ended too abruptly when he got bored or he would change the topic to something about himself, while Camila sticks to her ideas and conspiracies, but not in a selfish way. Lauren relates and understands what she's talking about and she loves listening to Camila speak about thing's she’s passionate about. She's starting to think, maybe this break-up with Luis was a good thing for her. Camila... could be good for her.

"..You either are or you're not. There's no in between."

"You've mentioned that before." Lauren butts in. "The "there's no in between" part.. You really believe that? Can't things ever be colorful? Why does it have to be black or white?"

"Because color doesn't exist remember." Camila winks, causing Lauren to huff and smirk.

"Don't be cheeky."

Camila giggles, "Sorry, but I mean, I suppose things aren't always black or white, or being or not being.. But, I mean. It's so much easier being all in than not.."

"Camz, that doesn't make any sense." Lauren shook her head with a huff.

"Like.." Camila scooted closer. "Liking somebody for instance.." She trailed off nervously, picking up Lauren's hand and playing with her fingertips. "You can like somebody, build a bond, a trust, fall in love eventually, fall deeper and deeper until you can't think you could get anymore infatuated with them than you already are.."

 _I guess now is as good as a time than ever.._  Camila thinks to herself, dropping the girls hand from her hold. 

"Camz, where did that come from?" Lauren asks, suddenly missing the contact.

“ _I just feel so lost and so lonely and I hoped you'd have the answer.."_

"Nothing." Camila shakes her head and lets out a nervous laugh. "Can I get back to my rant now?" She looks up, finally meeting Lauren's hopeful gaze.

Lauren's admittedly a little hurt. Every time she thinks Camila's going to open up to her she shuts down the chance. "Yes, of course.." Lauren trails.

Camila cleared her throat, preparing for more to share. "Before I get into my thoughts on the mind - cuz' that could seriously take all night - ," She lets out a short lived laugh, averting her eyes from Lauren's smile, "I want to get back into time because I'm not done ranting yet." How ironic.. The theory and topic is on time, yet Camila can't see to find the right time to admit to why she's truly been thinking about the topic all along.

"It's beautiful and it's scary." Camila concludes, taking a hair tie from her wrist and handing it to Lauren, who keeps fiddling with her hair; a tick Camila's caught onto whenever Lauren's anxious or nervous. Camila doesn't pick up on it though, far too deep into her thought's to notice Lauren getting antsy about why Camila was just talking about love and then suddenly stopped. "A second ago is the past and in a second is the future. The illusion of it is, there's no such thing as the present."

Lauren ties her hair with a snap as it settles in place in a high ponytail. On a normal occasion, Camila would take the time to admire her friends close-to-perfectly symmetrical face and beautifully crafted jaw lines, but again, she's lost in her own little "Camila world" to notice. "There is no in between." Lauren catches on to the theme of this conversation and nods in recognition.

Camila stops, mid hand motion to stare awed by Lauren's understanding. "Exactly." Noticing now, the beauty of the face inches from hers. "I'm glad you understand now." She smiles, cooing her words.

Lauren smiles back bashfully, blushing under her friends blunt gawking.

"There isn't an in between to most things in life if you take a second to reflect." Lauren starts to think but doesn't seem to have the time when Camila starts talking again. "Like, you're listening to me babble like an idiot right now." Lauren bursts into a quick laughing fit, followed by the idiot in question shortly after. "No but really, you're not actually listening to it _right now_ , like  _right in_  the moment because it's already been done."

"It's definite" Lauren concludes.

Camila gives a quick nod before continuing, once again. "Essentially, nothing is ever excising in the moment because what is in the moment? A moment?" Lauren shrugs, but rests her sleepy head in her hands as she listens intently. "You can prolong what you're doing by looking forward to the future, knowing it's going to last a little while longer.."

Lauren doesn't think about the aftermath of her questions when she blurts out, "Like a kiss?"

Camila gives her that look again, one of wonder and curiosity as her eyes land on the older girls lips. "Right. Like a kiss.."

Lauren takes the opportunity to straighten up her posture and think about her next words very carefully. "Your partner says something cute and cheesy like "I wanna live in this moment forever", but that's rhetorical and that won’t happen? Right? Camz?"

Camila finally lift's her gaze from Lauren's tempting mouth followed by a, "Huh? Oh yeah, totally." She laughs nervously, not knowing if she's been caught bluntly staring at her best friends lips or not. Her words are slow and drown out, but she makes through her next observation with little stuttering, like she normally would do when the butterflies are at an all-time high. 

"But, you know what you can do to keep yourself in the "moment", something you do without even thinking about it every second of everyday.."

"What?" Lauren resorts to resting her chin in her palms once again.

“It's called your memory, Laur. That's how we stay in a "moment"; a moment that can actually last forever, like that stupid cheesy line." They both giggle over the example.

"A memory.." Lauren lets the word sit on her tongue. She obviously knows what a memory is.. Who doesn't? Nevertheless, Camila has just shined a metaphoric light on the way she hears the word now.

"A moment of time in your true reality."

"The moment passed and that's it." Lauren furrows her brow, seeing where Camila's going with this.

"Right, it's the past." Camila nods.

Lauren shakes her head. “So, let me get this straight.. Your future is mere milliseconds away from you and then it's just here and then it just passes.." She states more matter-of-factly.

"More or less.." Camila shrugs. "We scurry along in our day to day life in a motion. Time doesn't stop. It goes."

"Therefore, a moment doesn't exist." Lauren concludes. Trying her hardest to wrap her mind around all of this new information. "There is no such thing as the present. Only the past and future."

"It's comforting and terrifying all at once, I know." Camila laughs, giving her a knowing look. "Time is the only thing you cannot truly run from."

Lauren's head pop up at this - initial shock to the new topic already gone, eager to hear this side of the story. 

"You cannot run from your past and your future is inevitable." Camila explains, to which Lauren nods, eyebrows in another frown. 

"And what about those people that say "your future is already planned out for you" and "you have no control over it?" What do you think about that, Camz?"

"That, "by the time you're born your personality is already set, your favorite color is determined, your sexuality, favorite genre of music or the type of T.V. you watch.." yeah I know what you're talking about, and I’m not so sure I believe in all of that. Some parts I do though.."

"Like what?"

"Like your sexuality and some parts of your personality.. But, people change.. Opinions change and so does your favorite movie." The girls giggle.

"Time." Lauren says. 

Camila nods, "Everything comes back to time.."

 

-

 

All night, Lauren could not shake the thought of what the girl – who is snuggled up tightly against her chest - has been hinting at. 

It might not have been intentional, but all of this talk about time, and where both girls tried to squeeze in the notion of love, was clearly a sole focus on love. At least, in Lauren's eyes it was.

Sitting in here, literally listening to Camila talk for hours really did a number on her heart in ways she wasn’t prepared to feel again.

She love's Camila.

Tonight, she's admitted it to herself through watching the way she speaks, the way her eyes glisten when she realizes she's being understood..

All of these thing's Lauren was afraid of feeling after Luis, she's feeling again.. For Camila.

Maybe tonight was a sign.

Maybe it was a push in the right direction, to get Lauren to understand why she's been craving the younger girls presents and internally dancing to the music of her laugh or the low scruff of her voice when she whispers; the butterflies that erupt when she sings and the smell of her human.

Maybe it's time Lauren takes Camila's unintentional advice and let time be on her side for once. 

Therefore, she will wait until the younger girl opens up. She knows Camila will eventually. However, this has to be on her. She doesn't want to push her, just in case there's the slight chance that this is all in her head and Camila really just was dedicated to her theories and not something more.

However, in Lauren's eyes, if she's learned anything tonight, besides that fact that Camila is a giant dork, probably crazy and full of unrequited knowledge, it's that she has all the time in the word. The future is unknown but its outcomes are the effects of your past. 

“The Butterfly Effect.”

There is no in between..

She _in_ love with her.

Lauren can wait.

She kisses Camilas forehead softly before inviting sleep to take over.


	4. Chapter 4

Lauren's not much of a morning person.

However, waking up next to Camila is soon starting to change that.

 

-

 

"That's not the point, Chanch.." Dinah whines, taking another lick from her ice cream.

They've been in New York for a few hours, scheduled to a meet and great later this afternoon and a show tomorrow before getting back on the road.

Dinah and Camila decided to go out and find an ice cream place close to their hotel while the other girls take up shopping around Times Square, where they will be meeting back later.

Camila told her best friend everything that has been going on between her and Lauren. She's told her about the kisses, the confusions and tensions and if's and almost's and it's not her fault she needs to vent sometimes. 

"If you think Lauren feels the same, I mean why not talk to her about it?" She asks, taking a bite out of its cone.

Camila huffs, keeping her eyes trained to the dirty sidewalk of New York as people pass her without a care for who she is. It's nice being in larger cities, she thinks, because everybody is so focused on keeping up with the motion of their day to day lives, they just don't care about anything else around them. Natives here must pass by celebrities all the time without a care.

"You know why I can't do that, DJ." She drops her spoon into her empty cup and looks up at the skyscrapers and buildings, wondering how in a city of roughly 8,550,405 strangers, nobody has the same story. Everybody, every single fucking person in this city- in this entire planet. Nobody has the same day. Out of 7 billion people on this planet, every single one of them lived this day a different way. Sure, there are people doing to same thing right now, eating, sleeping, making love, shopping, whatever they're doing.. People are doing it at the same time, but not in the same place and not in the same way. "You know what I don't get, Cheechee?"

Dinah rolls her eyes, annoyed by Camilas sudden change of subject. "What would that be, Chancho?" She should be use to the smaller girl doing this by now, but having a normal conversation with the smaller one and actually finishing that conversation was a rarity.

"Well." She huffs, trying to find a way to put her newest thought. "Let me ask you something.."

Dinah raises an eyebrow in her direction, noticing the look of determination on the shorter ones face. "Oh, this outta be good."

"No- hush, just listen." She demands, ditching her bowl in a nearby garbage pail. "How many people are living on this earth?" She asks, fully aware the blonde won't know the answer."

"Like a million?" She questions, cocking her head in the process. The two turn the corner of West 84th Street and 7th Avenue, where the roaring lights of Times Square come to view. 

"Dinah.." Camila scuffs. "There's over 8 Million in this city alone.." She deadpans, actually worried to hear the younger girls lack of knowledge on the topic. She knew the Polynesian wouldn't know, but she didn't expect to get an answer like that. "How didn't you know that?"

"Hey, don't judge me!" The Polynesian pouts. "Just get on with your little rant so it can be over with already." She demands, already taking out her phone to check her Twitter notifications. 

Camila ignores the last comment, instead continuing her newest idea. "Okay, so you know how everybody in the world - by the way, the correct answer was 7 billion -" Dinah scuffs with an eye roll. "I mean, each person on planet Earth.." She shakes her head, eyes wandering around the nameless faces, people she may never see again. "Each and every single person.. They're living a different day from us. Different lives.."

"Well, to be fair, not everyone is a famous singer." The taller girl pipes in.

"Okay, point taken, but think about it. So many people.." She trails. "Hey," Camila slaps Dinah's arm to get her attention.

"Mani just texted me and told me they're at M N M world."

"Great, now listen to me.."

"Listen, Mila, I would love to hear you sit here and ramble about nothing, I really would, but this girl's bouta get herself some M N M's, shoot." The taller girl interrupts, speaking in a mock-made up accent, walking a little faster to the store not too far away.

Camila scuffs. "You know," She starts, jogging to catch up to the clearly fitter girl. "Lauren would love to hear my "stupid rambles", so why can't you just listen to my ideas?"

"Why don't you just talk to Lo about them then?"

"BECAUSE YOU'RE HERE AND I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS STUFF!" She yells, gaining the attention of a few bystanders.

Dinah turns around once she’s reached the door, hand about to pull it open, when she releases the handle and gives the Latina her full attention. "Jeez, Walz, I'm sorry." She huffs, watching the smaller girls eyebrows furrow, lip in a frown. "Go ahead; tell me what's on your mind."

Camila rolls her eyes, trying to remember what her last words were. "I can't remember now anyway." She knows it was something good, something the taller girl would have liked to hear if she were actually to pay attention for once. But, now the thought has passed and she can't seem to remember it in her fitted rage. The smaller girl brushes past her and into the store with her head hanging low.

 

-

 

"What's wrong with Mila?" Ally asks into the open, watching as the two girls walk in. Camila with her hands in her jean shorts pockets looking pissed and Dinah all but crawling in with her metaphoric tail between her legs looking guilty.

Normani turns, noticing the two immediately.

"Mila, wait!" Dinah calls out, reaching out a hand to which Camila shrugs just out of reach.

 "OH MY GOD!" Someone yells. "You're... and you're..." Pretty much everybody in the store turns to look at the commotion, most in shock at the sudden outburst.

"Yes," Camila smiles, pointing to herself. "I'm Camila Cabello, and that’s.."

"Dinah Jane, yeah I know!" The fan screeches, taking out her phone imminently.

"What's going o-" Lauren runs over to the duo, preparing for a fight or something to break out when she see's the shaking fan and Camila's enamoring smile. "Oh, hello." She waves, motioning for the remaining two band members to join the small crowd forming around them.

"Ffff-fif-"

"We're Fifth Harmony." Ally finishes for the flustered fan, smiling and placing an arm around her shaking shoulders.

She just nods tentatively and points to her phone. "Ca-can I?"

"Of course!" Camila blurts, already moving to the smaller fans side. 

With Dinah and Ally on one side of the fan and Lauren, Normani on the other, Camila kneels down in front of them, wrapping the girls arms around her neck in a nice snuggle, posing while the girls’ mother takes the picture.

"Th-thank-"

"No problem...." Normani trails, unsure of the little girl’s name. 

"Laura." She beams.

"Oh, almost like Lauren." The Cuban smiles, going in to hug the smaller girl.

"Kinda. Thank you so much!"

The group exchanged loving hugs and  _your welcomes_  as the girl and her mother leave the store and Camilas smile returns to its sunken state.

"Mila, I'm sorry.."

The shorter girl puts up and hand, stopping Dinah from finishing her apology. "Save it D. I'll just go talk to  _Lo_  about it later." She mocks.

The other girls all share a puzzling look while Lauren takes Camila's arm and drags her to the side with a huff.

Once the girls are out of earshot and Dinah is bombarded with questions from the remaining two, Lauren releases her hold on the smaller of the two and takes a hand in hers. "What's going on in there, Camz?" She asks, placing a hand on Camila's cheek and using her thumb to tap the girl’s forehead gently. 

Camila huffs in defeat, separating the two by taking a small step back. Lauren looks at her in hurt but understands Camila's probably in a bad place right now.

"I was trying to run one of my ideas by Dinah and she completely shut me down and used you as a gateway to get out of the conversation."

"How do you mean?" Lauren cocks her head, crossing her arms over her chest. "What conversation?"

"I don't know, I mean we were talking about you before my crazy idea - that I can't even remember now by the way -" Lauren shakes her head with a small giggle, knowing full and well the other girls capability to forget things quickly, part of the reason she changes conversation so often. "And I guess I was just rambling on like usual and she got all pissy and suggested I " _go talk to Lo about it_."" The younger Latina finishes with a huff.

"Camz," Lauren huffs, pulling Camila in closer by her arm. "Dinah's not like you and I. She doesn't get lost in the theory of Evolution or the effects coaling mining has on Global Warming like you and I."

"You're a deep thinker, Camz, and as intriguing as it is, not everybody is going to enjoy you rambling as much as I do." She finishes, shoving Camila by the shoulder a bit, causing the brown-eyed girl to smile.

"I guess you're right. I don't know why that bothered me so much. I mean it was annoying that she wouldn't listen to be but it bothered me even more when she brought you into it and then I couldn't remember what I was talking about."

The older girls famous smirk and devilish look became present, daring to challenge the younger girl. "You were talking about me, huh?"

Camila blushes, slapping Lauren on the shoulder. "Shut up."

Lauren laughs but drops it, continuing with her next concern.

There's a slight pause, comfort in the air as they just stare at each other, before Lauren picks up Camila’s hand and starts manipulating her fingers.

"Hey Camz, why don't you just keep a journal?"

"What do you mean? Like to talk about my feelings and stuff?"

"Well you could do that, but I meant to put all your crazy ideas in when I'm not around so you remember them and then we can talk about them the next time we meet."

Camila ponders at the thought. "Yeah, that's a good idea." She smiles, going in to hug the taller of the two. "Thanks Lolo."

"Anytime, Camz."

 

-

 

Dinah watches as Lauren tries and succeeds to calm her best friend down. She feels bad; she really does, so she decides to work her ass off to get Camila to forgive her.

Hell, she will beg if need be.

Therefore, when she sees a giant box of Peanut M&M's she wastes no time in running over and grabbing it.

 

-

 

Camila is laying in her respective bunk talking to Sofi on the phone. 

She drops the news that their next stop on the tour would be in Miami and she doesn't think she's ever heard the little girl more excited.

She physically drops the phone next to her, nearly missing her face as she pulls it away with a speed almost inhuman over the screaming threatening to burst her eardrums.

She giggles, waiting for the screaming to subside before telling her sister she loves her and she will see her soon.

 

-

 

“Camila, I need you to take your sister to AC MOORE.” She hears her mother call from somewhere down stairs. “She needs more colored paper and ribbons for her playdate tomorrow and I’m busy getting lunch together.”

“Sure, mami!” Camila yells out her door.

Just then, she hears the clanking of little feet against hard wood flooring getting closer and closer until her little sister is smiling at her from the open door, holding her little stuffed rabbit.

“I’m ready kaki.” The little girl states, watching as her older sister finishes tying off her worn out converse.

 

-

 

As the duo walk through the front door, Camila all but collapses on the cold tile floor, groaning something incoherent about being out of the violent heat and into the air conditioning.

Sofi laughs, dragging her sister to the crafting isle as she mocks her for being such a _grandma_ about heat.

“Hey, it’s not my fault I can’t drive! I’ve been a bit busy lately so excuse me for being forced to walk your little butt all the way here in the scorching heat.”

“Mila, it was like a 10 minute walk.”

“And 9 too many. Hurry up and get your things. I wanna leave.” She continues complaining.

“But, we just got here.” The youngest Cabello complains. “And I wanna look at the little animal action figures.”

Camila scuffs, folding her arms over her torso and turning to the side when she sees a group of journals to her right, further down the store.

“Hey, Sof, I’m just gonna go over there for a sec okay? Look.” She taps her little sister to get her attention and points to the stack of books. “I’ll be right back.”

The younger one nods and continues looking at the little figurines while Camila makes her way towards the journals.

As she’s looking, she sees a few she likes. But one really sticks out to her. It’s a light green with fuzzy material around its border and a white outlining of a sun and moon kissing on the cover.

She smiles, thinking about how much Lauren would love this. She searches through the pile, picks up another one with an appreciated huff, and makes her way back to her sister.

 

-

 

They have a show in Miami.

Whenever they're in any of the band members respected home states, they have the option of staying the night in their own homes.

So when word gets out to Lauren's family, they immediately invite Camila and her's over for dinner after the afternoon show some theme park she can't seem to remember the name of.

Lauren spends all of 3 hours straightening up her house and tiding up her bedroom, even going as far as bribing her younger siblings to clean up their rooms before the Cabello's eldest daughter rings the doorbell.

Lauren all but sprints down the stairs, completely cutting her father off in the hallway after screaming, "I got it" at the top of her lungs.

Her lips form a highlighting smile when she opens the door to see Camila standing there with a bottle of wine in her hands, a giddy smile on her lips, and a bow planted firmly in her hair.

She's all alone on the front porch, standing and smiling, her doe eyes filling with adoration as she's face to face with her best friend. 

"Hey." The older Latina says, pulling the smaller girl into a bone-crushing hug, totally disregarding the wine bottle that’s ledged between the two.

"Laur, you're gonna break the glass." Camila giggles, pushing Lauren away a bit.

"Oops, sorry." She giggles. "I guess I'm just not used to being away from you guys yet."

Camila hears her say " _guys_ " but her heart flutters by the word " _you_ ".

Lauren notes Camila's blush and adds to her statement by saying, "It is the hour to be drunken! To escape being the martyred slaves of time, be ceaselessly drunk. On wine, on poetry, or on virtue, as you wish." A quote from a man named Charles Baudelaire. He has no importance to Lauren. She'd read that quote off Tumblr once. But, the deep pink followed on the younger ones cheek makes it all the better. 

Lauren only giggles and takes Camila's hand as the rest of her family catch up to the front of the house and follow them in.

 

-

 

Dinner went smoothly. The Cabello's and Jauregui's all got along, per usual. Chris, Mike and Alejandro decided to go crabbing for a bit while the girls stayed at the house to clear the table after dinner.

That is, until Lauren grabbed Camila by the arm and dragged her into the next room and away from earshot.

"Let's sneak out." The older girl offers with a mischievous grin.

Camila giggles and shakes her head. "Laur, I'm sure our families are bound to realize their most _prized possessions_ aren't anywhere in sight." She jests, pointing her finger in the direction of where the rest company the dining room.

Lauren only rolls her eyes and takes the half-empty bottle of wine out from behind her back while Camila's eyes widen and she gasps in shock before Lauren covers her hand over her mouth.

"Shut up and follow me."

 

-

 

They go out to Lauren's old tree house in her back yard. They've since drank about a quarter of the remaining wine and what started as chatting about being reunited with family and the advantages of being home for a night, the girls find themselves scooting closer and closer as they continue talking.

_Gosh, the moonlight hits green eyes perfectly, complimenting how deep and arrogant they are._

Camila doesn't mean to, but she starts leaning closer to get a better look.

"Camz..." She hears. Its faint, a whisper, but it's loud enough to break her from her trance where she's now realized the little space they have between their faces.

Camila only smiles, wrapping her hand around the back of Laurens neck.

"Camz.." Lauren closes her eyes, tilting her head forward and resting it on Camila’s forehead. "Our families are inside."

Camila only shakes her head, completely disregarding that little burden. "I don't care."

She watches as Camila's eye lashes flick with uncertainty, looking from one of Laurens eyes to the other. She looks back at the house and at the silhouettes walking back and forth through the curtains in the kitchen. 

Lauren takes Camila's face in her hands, cheeks warm and pink. She feels where Camila’s nimble fingers place themselves atop Laurens hands over her own face. They look into each other’s eyes dark and blown, and Lauren thinks she’s about to say it. She wants to say it. Those 3 words, 8 letters, 3 syllables. The statement that she's never been so sure of in all of her life.

They haven't talked about it, about anything. That's kind of their thing. But, why talk when you can show? Laurens leaning in and closing her eyes when she hears a vibration coming from the younger girl.

Camila sighs in annoyance, backing away from Laurens embrace and hitting the green button on her phone where her mother’s voice comes spilling out from the speakers.  _"Hola, Mija, where'd you run off too?"_

"Lauren and I were just talking in the tree house mami, we'll be back soon." Camila looks over to Lauren, who is flicking her hair over her shoulder and looking bothered by something. Camila scrunches her eyebrows in her direction before her mother’s voice brings her back to reality.  _Right, they're still on the phone._

_"The girls and I are all going down to the beach to go crabbing with the boys, do you girls want to come?"_

Camila looks over to Lauren again, hoping she heard the older woman's voice through the phone because she doesn't trust herself to speak to Lauren right now.

She hears a car door shut and the roaring of her mother’s minivan from the front of the house. 

Lauren shakes her head in a silent disagreement and starts to fiddle more with her hair.

Camila see's her discomfort.

"No, mami. That's alright; we'll come along another time."

" _Okay Mija. We should be back in about an hour or so. Have a good night._ " Moreover, with that she hangs up, looking down at her lap where she’s placed her phone, making patterns with the debris from her fingers on the slick screen.

Suddenly, Lauren's back in her space, face in her hands once again.

 "Camz, I need to know what you want from me." She demands, catching her breath between the millimeters of distance their mouths were.

The sound of the engine fades, letting them know their families have gone. 

There's a split second of silence, Camila working up the courage to say what she's about to say in a fit of impulsivity and courageousness.

Camila swallows harshly, taking a steady breath in, placing her hands atop of Lauren's who's are perched on her cheeks and whispers, "I want you to take me to bed." And it was the easiest thing she thinks she's ever had to say after it’s out.

It's not about the lust anymore. It's not about the undoubted attraction and curiosity that hovers over her best friend. It's the pure adoration and uncontrollable love she feels towards the other.

She wants Lauren in every way possible and even if she's still hung up on Lauren's thoughts about the topic, you know... the whole,  _I just feel so lost and so lonely and I hoped you'd have the answer_ , fiasco, she's willing to figure this out with her. She doesn't want to have the thought hold her back anymore.

She's been questioning that statement for so long now and it's the moment of truth.

The let down or the agreement.

Lauren meant either she needed a distraction at the time or she needed much more.

She needed reassurance that someone she's close to, some she loves, wouldn't walk out on her or hurt her as Luis did.

Therefore, if she really wants to know how Lauren feels, she's not going to keep her fears ahead of her. She's going to jump straight in, all in. She needs to know what's going on and she wants to show how much the older girl means to her in the only way she can think of at the moment.

She won't regret this. She won't back out. She wants this. She wants Lauren in any and every way possible. The questions is, does Lauren want her?

So when Lauren hastily drops her hands to her sides and backs away, Camilla starts to internally panic.

Has she stepped over boundaries she didn't dare step over?

"Lauren.." Camila trails.

She knows she's playing a dangerous game. But she's just so god damned curious.

She wants her first time to be with someone she loves and someone she trusts 110%.

That person is, of course, Lauren.

"A-are you sure?" Lauren questions, displaying an unreadable expression after a period of silence. “I mean, where did this even come from?”

Camila only scoots closer, bringing Lauren's lips to hers. "I've never been so sure about anything else." She deadpans, completely disregarding Laurens last questions because she honestly doesn’t know how to answer it. She shocked herself once the thought entered her mind.

She didn’t even think about what this could do to the band, what effect it could have on their professional career if something bad were to happen. She’s ready.

Lauren huffs, out a smile and runs her palm down the side of Camilas face, the shorter girls damp hair getting trapped between her fingers.

"Lauren..."

"Shh." Lauren warns, placing her thumb on the younger ones bottom lip. "Let me show you to my room." She smiles, grabbing her hand and interlacing their fingers.

-

You know, there's a certain bliss you can encounter from sitting on the beach at 8 in the morning.

_"Are you sure you want this?" Lauren asks, sitting Camila down on the edge of her bed and standing between her legs. "It's not to late to back out you know." She said gently, moving some of Camilas hair to behind her ear._

_"I'm sure." She smiles in return, tugging on Lauren's T-shirt to signal the older girl to take it off._

Sitting in your 93' white Jeep Wrangler, with all the windows down and the back gate open.

Lana Del Rey's "summertime sadness" playing softly in the background.

It's blissful really.

_"You understand once this happens it's going to change everything right?"_

_"Lauren do you want this or not?"_

That's why when she sees a man and his little row boat kissing the water’s edge like silk, gliding through the water, Lauren smiles.

She takes a deep sentimental breath in as the song changes to "Rubik's Cube" by Athlete, watching the man in his little rowboat.

It's such a nostalgic moment.

_"God, Camila of course I want this, I want **you**." She shakes her head, offended slightly by how quickly the younger girl came to that conclusion. "Gosh, I've wanted you for a while now."_

_"Then show me."_

As much as Lauren loves the girls and loves being with them, she respectively declined their offer to go shopping on their day off to sit by herself and reminisce. 

_Lauren nods once, pushing the smaller girl down slowly, climbing atop of her in the process, the bare skin of her abdomen and chest feeling the soft fabric of Camilas tank top._

_She connects their lips in a quick kiss, moving them together sensually, lovingly._

There's towns people working just to the left of her a ways away on the old gazebo with years of dry and breaking wood.

Lauren stays at her small local beach for a while. Taking in the sun and watching all the people coming and going with their breakfast and their spouse. It's usually old people, but Lauren likes that she's the only youngster among this crowd. She likes that these couples have years, decades together.

_By the time both girls are fully naked and under Lauren's covers, they've spent time exploring the newly found perfections and imperfections of one another._

_Now that Lauren is working on kissing underneith Camilas jaw, said girl is whimpering and clawing at the tallers girl back impatiently._

_Lauren giggles into her neck._

Old people always remind her of thrift shops and old books. The ones with crispy, yellow pages.

She likes those books. They've been through a lot. If she doesn't read them she collects them. Saves them from rotting away in a thrift shop by stocking them on her shelves.

_"Jesus, Laur." Camila moans from above her. "Please.. Don't stop." She stammers, tangling her fingers in Lauren's hair as the older is lost between her legs._

Her stories range from poems to horrors. From history novels to modern day novels.

She decides she wants to add to her collection today, so the starts her jeep and starts to make her way down Middle Road to St. Anne's church, with the little thrift shop attached to it.

_"Camz.. Camila.. I can't.."_

_"Let go baby."  
_

_"Ahhh fuuuuck."_

_"Breathe baby breathe." Camila suggests, slowing down her movements inside of the girl under her._

She spends 15 minutes in there, searching for books that will only cost her 25 cents per, and comes out with 5 that she could add to her collection.

" _Camila would really like these_." She thinks to herself. She would love the history embedded in its pages from their original owners and her mind would wander and she would wonder about the authors and what they were like and how they created something so beautiful in just a short 300 pages. 

_"Blissful." Lauren coos, settling her head on Camilas chest._

_"What?" The smaller one asks, looking down at the girl laying peacefully on her._

_"That's what you are." Lauren states, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "You, as a person, are blissful."_

She would wonder about what their lives were like and if they'd had a troubled childhood or had been through something traumatic to create such a masterpiece as most novelists from the early 19th and 20th century were.

_After a while of just laying in each others embraces, comfortable silence filling the room, Camila takes a deep breath and huffs out a smile, closing her eyes and enjoying her company for just a little while longer before they would have to get up and act like **that** didn't just happen in front of her parents._

Just last night they were tangled up in each other. Finally confessing their love, something they were holding on to forever it seems, in broken moans and gasps of each other’s names.

They didn't actually say the words. They didn't have to. They showed each other in the best way possible. They  _made_  love. They didn't speak it; they touched and breathed and created it between Laurens bed sheets.

_"Thank you." Camila says, manipulating Lauren's hair as she hugs closer to the smaller girls body._

_She looks up, confused by Camilas sudden thanks._

_"Thank me?"_

_Camila nods._

_"Thank me for what?" She asks, the adorable brow furrowing and nose scrunching following the question._

_"For letting my show you better than I could tell you." Camila concludes, kissing Lauren's hairline, lingering there and taking a deep breath in through her nose._

_The scent of sweat, perfume and Lauren's shampoo mixes in her nose and makes her head spin._

_You know they say the scent of the person you love is by far your favorite scent. And Camila thinks that is one of the easiest statements to believe._

An experience neither one of them would ever forget.

And it was worth it just to be with the girl she loves in such an intimate setting.

She thinks that if she were ever to be one of those old couples at the beach, she would be one with Camila.

Her Camz.

 

-

 

Lauren's not much of a morning person.

However, having Camila in her life is changing her view on things.

Especially mornings.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No smut hereeeeee.  
> Not yet anyway haha.  
> Y'all got a little tease here. BUT DONT WORRY MY FRIENDS!! there will be smut to come.


	5. Chapter 5

_It's so strange that what seems like a Monday is actually a Wednesday to me these days._

_My recollection of time is all off._

_I don't even know what state we're in right now. Isn't that sick?_

_I remember, back when I was still in school, the day's floated on by, morphing one into the other.._

_However, when summertime came, I couldn't even tell you the day of the week it was._

_I'm still the same way, except now instead of having a schedule that helps me identify what day it is, my schedule works against me._

_It's not,_ okay you have a meet and great on Saturday and then Saturday night there's a show _, it's,_ okay you have a meet and greet today and then a show tonight _. But what's the day?_

_The one day I will remember, however, is the day my best friend offered me something so sacred and special and something so thaumaturgical and I know the day it was because it was something I wanted to remember forever._

_She's taught me something important. Something personal and beautiful. She taught me that sex isn't just about reaching climax with another. It's about creating a memory. One that shows instead of tells._

_I'm really passionate about sex. It may have only been my first time, but it was one hell of an eye opener._

_I want to make it a memory to remember._

_Their bodies are instruments._

_Touch a certain way and they make beautiful noises._

_I don't have to be a poet to come up with that line._

_I would rather give her the relief first and then if she's too tired or too warn out to work with me, I'm okay with that._

_I don't look at sex as meaningless. I don't want to just "hook up"._

_I want to give an experience, a learning experience if possible._

_I mean, I probably wasn't the_ best _in bed, but it_ was _my first time, and if she finishes out of breath and sweaty then I'm doing something right._

_If we lazily make out AFTER she's already done and then we cuddle, she obviously felt something more than just sex._

_It's beautiful._

_It's life._

_We should be astonished and grateful that we get these little experiences._

_That's how you get someone to fall in love with you._

_Sex is passion._

_Passion is love._

_Love is infinite._

_It's not just black and white. This is one of the only things I see that's colorful._

_A body is a canvas._

_You need to paint a woman's body with your fingertips._

_And be gentle! Because if you're not careful, you'll fuck up the painting and it'll all be meaningless._

_You need to know your woman and treat her with the utmost love and respect they deserve._

_That's how I think._

_That's how I act._

_That's how I think sex should be._

_Gosh, I hope she loves me._

_Because the woman I love offered me her love on a Thursday afternoon._

_I find it ironic that I have such a connection with time, yet I'm so disconnected with it._

_It's like I'm not a being._

_Obviously, I'm not "just here". I_ have _made an impact on the world and a lot of people_ do _know my name. People are going to remember me when I'm gone, so it's not like I don't exist._

_But to me?_

Camila huffs, closing her journal and setting it beside her on the hotels bedside table.

She needs to rant.

Some things she just  _can't_  rant about on paper.

  
-

 

"Lauren?" She hears a faint knock on her door followed by her best friend’s voice. "Lauren open up." Another knock.

Lauren groans, turning her bedside lamp on to see Ally still asleep on the opposite bed next to hers.

The girls agreed to change the order up of the rooms after Camila told Dinah what happened back in Miami. Lauren and Camila, along with the Polynesian, all agreed that what happened in Miami, stays in Miami and they shouldn't let their personal lives interfere with their work lives. Lauren was a bit pissed when she found out Dinah knew EVERYTHING, but she understood that it was healthy for the younger girl to get all her thoughts out somehow, and writing them down wasn't going to help all that much in their case.

Mani and Ally were a bit confused at the sudden change, but when Mani found out she'd be getting a room to herself for the night, she jumped at the first chance to grab the opportunity and run.

So, Lauren got up with a huff, grabbing her grey cardigan off the dining room chair and made her way to her hotel room door.

Opening it quietly with a small creak, Lauren cringed, careful not to wake the oldest band member up.

"Camz?" Standing in front of her was a very confused, very distraught looking girl holding a notebook close to her chest. 

Lauren looked back before stepping out of her room and closing the door soundly. "What are you doing here? What time is it?"

"Half passed 2." She answered as if it wasn't a big deal that the girl was walking around at 2:30 in the morning. "Never mind the time though. Can we go somewhere?"

"Go somewhere?" Camila nodded. "Go somewhere? Where?" She repeated, her heart thumping uncontrollably but just being in the smaller girls presents.

"Anywhere, I just wanna talk."

"Y-you want to talk?" Camila nodded again. "With me, at 2 in the morning?" Lauren furrowed her eyebrows.

Camila smiles hopefully.

"Well okay." She shrugs, too tired to try to argue. "Where to?"

"My room? Mani texted me around 11 and said Dinah fell asleep watching a movie with her so I have the room to myself."

Lauren's cheeks burned, afraid of what might happen if the two were left unattended once again.

Camila giggled and pushed the older girls shoulder a bit. "Relax, I'm not asking you to sleep with me. I really just want to talk to you."

Lauren smiled awkwardly. Maybe she  _did_  want to sleep with her again. The first time made her fall harder and harder for the younger girl. She never wants to let go of that feeling.

"Lead the way."

Camila smiled, bright and dominant, lighting the hallway in the otherwise dark space.

Lauren started walking passed the smaller girl when she suddenly stepped in front of her, stopping her in her tracks.

There was a moment of silence, both girls breaths caught in their throats from the short distance.

Lauren cleared her throat, throwing away any and all tension when she heard a door open from down the hall.

"Oh right sorry." Camila stammered. "After you." She huffed out an awkward smile.

-

"You brought me in here.. At 2:30 in the morning... to listen to music?" Lauren questions, looking down at her phone after Camila typed in a song for her to listen to.

The shorter girl rolled her eyes, grabbing Lauren's wrist and leading her to the bed where both girls sat on the edge, side by side. "Just hit play before I smack you."

Lauren's smirk grew to one of a tease. "Feisty are we?"

Camila slapped Lauren lightly on the shoulder after a quick huff.

"Ouch!" Lauren feigned hurt after watching Camila give a pointed look to the iPhone, still sitting in her hand. "Okay, okay."

It's strange, by Louis the Child quickly fills the room.

"It reminds me of you.. Even though it's about drugs." Camila starts with a smile but ends with a shrug.

 _Heart been so cold that I don't feel at all_  
  
_Scarred up inside so I built all these walls_

 _Head rolling back, but I'm faking the rush_  
  
_Out every night and I'm lonely as fuck_

"Why does it remind you of me?" Lauren asked curiously, meeting Camila’s eyes after looking up from the phone.

Camila huffs, preparing to explain her meaning as she moves to lean her back against the head bored. 

 _I make my rules and my own plans_  
  
_I got no room for no man, that's my way_  
  
_That's my way_

"I'm not really sure.. I don't know, I just hear you in it I guess?" She trails off.

"What do you mean by that?" It's too late for Lauren to even try and comprehend the smaller girls intentions. She needs clarification, and of course, Camila takes 5000 years to get to her point.

"Well," She start, running her right hand through her hair, "the beginning reminds me of you because... Don't get me wrong and don't get offended, but it's kind of how you are??" Camila finishes, uncertain about the other girls reaction to kind of being mocked.

 _Then I saw you in a dream right_  
  
_I wanna call you_  
  
_A kind of feeling, I can't name_  
  
_I can't name_

Lauren stays quiet to listen to the rest of the song in curiosity, occasionally having to hush the girl sitting near her to pay attention to its lyrics, smiling and nodding with Camila’s comparisons at certain parts..

  _It's strange_  
  
_But I don't need space from you_  
  
_And every single thing you do, I like_  
  
_I've been chased_

 _Maybe I just knew I had to wait for you_  
  
_Draw a knife and carve a little space for you_  
  
_It feels nice_

 

"I-"

"Shh." Lauren interrupts.

_  
_It's strange, but I don't need space from you__

_And every single thing you do, I like_

 

"You see,-"

"Camz, I swear to God.."

  
_Opened me up, I let down my defense_  
  
_Swore that I wouldn't go falling again_  
  
I could be faded with somebody new  
  
Rather be sober at home just us two

  
"I kind of see it as a song the kind of defines us as well.." Camila adds in, reaching over to pause the music from playing.

Lauren looks at her in annoyance and confession. "Care to share?" She begrudgingly asks, assuming the song would be interrupted at some point. She was enjoying it too.

"Well.." Camila starts, rubbing the back of her neck nervously, looking anywhere but at Lauren, "In a way, it kind of helps me speak my feelings for you without actually saying them.."

Lauren smiles, looking down at her phone where the song is still paused. "So, what I'm picking up here is that you dream about me and want to get fucked up all the time?" She jested, a wide grin spreading across her face as the girl in questions eyes are bugged and quickly comes to her own defense. 

"WHa-no." She stutters out, lifting her hands in front of her to solidify her defense. Then she drops her arms and cocks her head in thought. "Well..." 

Lauren laughs and shakes her head, moving to play the music once more.  
  
  
_I make my rules, and my own plans_  
  
_I got no room for no man_  
  
_That's my way, that's my way_  
  
_Then I saw you in a dream right_  
  
_I wanna call you, I got a feel that_

_I can't name, I can't name_

  
Lauren lifts her head, having the feeling of being watched, sure enough, their eyes meet and Camila blushes, causing Lauren to stick her tongue out in mock.

  
_It's strange_  
  
_But I don't need space from you_

_And every single thing you do, I like_

_I've been chased_

_Maybe I just knew I had to wait for you_

_Draw a knife and carve a little space for you_

_It feels nice_

 

_I make my rules, and my own plans_

 

_I got no room for no man_

_That's my way, that's my way_

_Then I saw you in a dream right_

_I wanna call you, I kind of feel then_

_I can't name, I can't name_

 

"I suppose you're right." Lauren smiles, laying on her stomach and facing Camila. "I does kind of sound like me a bit."

Camila returns her smile lovingly. "That's not the only reason it reminds me of you though.." She trails off, waiting to see if Lauren would want her to continue.

Lauren nods, anticipating the explanation.

Camila huffs, looking at the ceiling with her hands folded neatly on her outstretched legs.

"It's something you would listen to because of her voice and the atmosphere of her but its something i like because of the beat and feel. Plus," She explains, pausing to gather her words correctly. Lauren watches in awe as the younger girl’s brain turns in her head. "I've noticed that you analyze lyrics." She drops her eyes to meet Lauren's cocked head.

She sighs, picking at her fingertips while looking down at her hands. "Maybe you don't do it consciously, but I've noticed 'cause I do it too. I don't know.. It just seems like a ' _thinking of Lauren_ ' type of song." She finished with a short huff of a laugh.

Lauren smiles back, watching the girls’ flustered state, wondering how she's picked all of that up when Lauren, herself, wasn't even aware of the analysis in her mind. "I analyze lyrics?"

"Well, I mean.." Camila gets up off the bed, making her way towards the kitchen part of her suite. "Maybe not analyze them... But I mean.." She pauses to open the tiny refrigerator to grab a water bottle from its door. "I notice that you seem to really listen to the words." She holds up the bottle in a silent question for the other girl where she smiles and nods once. Camila bends down once again to retrieve another bottle, before closing the door and making her way back to the bed. 

"Like the songs you listen to have meaning." She explains, unscrewing the cap and shrugging. "They're not just words thrown together," She raises the bottle to her mouth before interrupting herself with another thought, "especially the genre of music you listen to." She finishes, taking a sip from her bottle.

Lauren hums, licking her lips and watching as a stray drop makes its way down Camila's exposed neck. She wipes at it with her sleeve before continuing with her conclusion. She's listening, she swears she is.. However, lately Camila has been effecting her in ways she should not. She's growing rapidly frustrated watching the girls lips smack together with every word.

"I mean, you already know I don't listen to the type of music you listen to because it's not generic like the type I listen to." She pauses to rip the tag off the bottle with a scrunch to her nose Lauren can't help but smile at. "Even the vibe of the music you listen to is raw." She looks up to see Lauren smiling slightly, clearly entertained with the girl’s ability to get lost in her own words. 

"What?" Camila smiles back, dropping her shoulders and water bottle to her lap.

"Nothing." Lauren shakes her head, motioning Camila to continue with her hand.

The younger girl huffs out a laugh scratching her forehead. "Um, where was I?"

"You hate my music." Lauren nodded, causing Camila to sigh and give her a pointed look. 

She smiles, content with the reaction she got from the smaller girl.

"Anyway," She rolls her eyes, "You're into like the Indie setting, with the occasional rock. I can dig that," Lauren snorts, causing Camila to laugh into her next word, " _Ahnd_  I like modern stuff a bit more but I do look for meaning behind its words. So yes, you may not be doing it consciously, but you have a pattern with the music you listen to."

Lauren scrunches her eyebrows, now laying on her back and staring at the ceiling. 

Camila takes a second to appreciate the older girl’s expression, filling the comfortable silence with further explanation.

"Either that, or I'm looking too far into this and it's just your liking and not having a deeper feeling toward it." She finishes, taking a sip from her bottle.

"How do you think like this, Camz? How did you even start thinking about this?" Lauren questions, flipping onto her stomach and taking a sip from her bottle of water as well.

Camila shrugs. "You send me videos, or show me videos of songs you listen to and you tell me it reminds you of me and I can't see why because I don't connect to the music like you." She answers, pausing to watch the understanding expression replace the former confused set. "You understand the lyrics. I wouldn't because it's not something I would listen to on a normal occasion." She shrugs. "Does that make and sense?" She asks, sensing Lauren's hesitation.

"It does." She nods, taking another sip. Camila nods back smiling. "I never thought of it like that." Lauren confesses, watching as Camila makes her way back into the kitchen.

"I just look into things a bit more I guess." She explains, disappearing into a little snack bag she brings into every hotel room. She comes out holding a box of honey nut cheerios. "But, that's alright. It can be a drag sometimes." She admits, claiming her spot back on the bed and opening the box in front of her, eyes wide in anticipation.

"It can?" Lauren asks, before shaking her head in disbelief at her friend’s obsession with food. 

"Fuck yeah it can." Camila complains, chewing on a few honey smothered circles.

Lauren's taken aback by the girls blatant use of profanity, giggling into her cardigan before hushing up to listen to another rant the girl in front of her is about to perform.

"I can tell you a million different things I've picked apart and analyzed until I had a complete understanding of it." Lauren nods, knowing full and well the girls comment to be true. She nags the box away from a frowning Camila before she continues talking. "But, the way my mind works, I don't always come up with a logical explanation for why something happened the way it did."

Lauren frowned, lost. "What do you mean?" She asks, popping a few cheerios into her mouth. 

Camila huffs, placing two more cheerios in her mouth while looking for a way to describe her thoughts.

"It's like that dilemma with the blue and white and purple and gold dress thing that blew up." She explains. "Some saw it one way and others saw it another... I do that with my mind sometimes.."

Lauren furrows her eyebrows not seeing where the doe eyed girl was going with her words. 

The younger Latina only shakes her head, ignoring the others look of confusion. "Sometimes I even make stuff up to better understand what it is I'm trying to analyze." She finalized, meeting Lauren's gaze.

"Camz, can you maybe... I don't know.. Give me an example to better understand where it is you're coming from?" 

Bringing her index and middle finger to the bridge of her nose, Camila closes her eyes and takes a deep breath before clapping her hands together, causing Lauren to jump in surprise.

"Okay, so you remember the movie 'The Ward' I forced you to watch and I wouldn't shut up the entire movie because I was explaining everything to you?" She asked, pointing in the older girl, who was now rising to sit criss-cross in front of her in interest.

"Yeah." She laughed. "I kept trying to get you to be quiet so I could watch Amber Heard do her thang." 

This caused Camila to join in on the laughter.

"Okay, well it's like that day. I told you what I thought every character what supposed to me a metaphor for but some of them could be completely wrong."

Lauren took a second to ponder on Camila’s mention of the characters before interrupted by Camila’s continuing.

"I feel like I'm getting off topic a bit here but, I'm trying so bear with me.." Lauren stifled another giggle with a smile as she watched the girl before hers eyes light up with a new thought.

"Like my conspiracy theories. I've made some up. Ally and I talk about time all the time and so do you and I, "she clarified, pointed one of her flailing arms at Lauren to make her part known. "and my theory on it," she continues, "is something that has yet to be proven and probably will never be proven because if came from my head and no one else's." She concludes with a deep breath. "Does that make sense?"

Lauren nods with a smile, ushering Camila to continue, which she happily obliges. 

"It's a blessing and a curse. Some people, like you or Ally, would find it interesting and try to pick it apart even more and hear what else I have to say about it, but people like Dinah or Normani would listen to me until I was done rambling and then move onto the next topic because it bored them or they didn't understand it and didn't want to understand it."

All this time, Lauren has been watching Camila with such awe and astonishment; she hasn't realized her bottle starting to spill over the side of the bed.

"I'm sorry if that doesn't make any sense." She apologized, kicking Lauren out of her dream like state. "I'm very tired." She chuckled, followed by a yawn.

Lauren just stared at her, utterly at a loss of words. "No no I understand completely." Lauren shook her head, highly impressed, but not shocked by Camila’s sense of thinking. "Jesus, Camila, you're ridiculously smart."

Camila’s head pipes up at that, blushing profusely under Laurens blatant stare and compliment.

"Well thank you." Camila smiled, tucking a lose strand of hair behind her ear. She wasn't used to getting remarks like that. Everyone always assumed her to be the dumbest or the "slowest" one of the group regarding her personality. "That's a huge compliment, and one I definitely needed but... I don't see how you think that?" She snorted. "How does that have to do with any of my crazy ideas?"

Lauren huffed, running a hand through her hair with a shrug. "I don't know.. Just.." She looked to the floor where she finally saw the spill of the empty water bottle. "Oh shit." Camila started giggling as Lauren jumped up and ran to the kitchen to retrieve some paper towers to clear the mess. 

"Lauren.." Camila’s laughed started dying down. "Lauren it's only water, it'll dry without a stain."

Lauren sighed, winding the paper towels back up and walked back to the bed to pick up the empty bottle and place it on the nightstand. 

She then took a seat next to Camila against the head bored and took her hand inter her own, interlacing their fingers.

She shrugged, preparing to return to her description of the girl sitting next to her. "Just the way you think things. They're very intriguing viewpoints, ones I would never think of."

Camila smiled, placing a chaste kiss on Lauren cheek. "Well thanks again, Lo." 

Lauren hummed a content smile.

"Sometimes it's scary to be honest though, like coming up with this stuff." Lauren furrowed her brows, wrapping a protective arm around the girl’s shoulders. 

"You start talking so much nonsense to the world and you start to believe it yourself." She finished with a chuckle. Lauren didn't find that particular comment amusing.

"It's not nonsense, Camz." Lauren turned to face Camila completely, the other girl shrugging.

"You would really like what was in my journal then." She laughed to herself. "It's  **all**  nonsense." Lauren gave her a pointed look. "Sorry.. 'Crazy ideas.'"

Lauren warmed her smile. "I would love to see it."

Camila just smiled, nodding her head while Lauren flickered her eyes to where her journal rest on the table in the little kitchen-dining room area.

Camila followed her line of sight before understanding the older girl’s intentions. "Oh you mean right now?"

Lauren only smiles, chuckling a bit at the girl’s obliviousness. "Only if that's alright..."

Camila took a deep breath, standing up and heading over to the table.

"Prepare yourself, you may think I'm crazy after this.." Camila warned with a chuckle to her voice.

"Oh Camz.." Lauren scolded. "I already think you're crazy." Lauren jested, earning a soft punch to her shoulder when Camila returned to the bed with her book.

Lauren only smiled, taking the book and opening it to the first page. "Does it matter where I start or..." Lauren trailed, unsure of how much the younger girl wanted her to read. 

Camila only shook her head pursing her lips. "You have free range." She accepted, standing up from her spot on the bed to find her cell phone.

Lauren smiled as she looked down, first taking the time to skim through the pages and familiarize the younger girl’s handwriting before her eyes.

She was surprised to see how many pages were already filled. She noted a few pages stuck together with tape as she furrowed her eyebrows and bit her lip, trying to lift the corners to see inside.

"Hey, Camz.." She called, hearing a faint  _yeah_  come from somewhere in the suite. "What are these pages taped together?" She asked, turning the book in some hopes of seeing what’s embedded in its pages and ink, curiosity spilling out of her.

Camila reemerged into the open room with her phone in her hand. She smiled, getting comfortable under the covers and patted the seat next to her for Lauren to join her. 

The oldest happily obliged, not before taking off her cardigan and shutting off all the lights except for the bedside lamps.

"It's a letter to my future self." She smiled, taking the book from Lauren and smoothing out where she tried to pick the tape away. Lauren shied down, feeling guilty for trying to pry into something clearly not meant for anyone else to see. Camila only smiled further, not bother by Lauren's want for information. "Why don't you start with the first entry?" Camila asked with a giggle.

Lauren rolled her eyes, softly taking the journal back from its owner. 

On the top left hand corner sat 5 pictures of the weather. A sun, clouds, the sun hidden behind a cloud, some kind of snow or rain falling from a cloud and a thunderstorm, completed with a lightning bolt and again, some form of snow or rain.

Lauren liked that. She smiled as the black circle around the sun. Under that were the days of the week, Sunday circled. On the right hand side was the number 1 next to "No.:" meaning the number of the entry, and under that, the date; 7/10/16. 

_They say every seven years_

_all your cells flip. You're essentially a_

_new person._

_New skin; new identity; new_

_opportunities._

_Skin you've never touched._

Lauren looked over curiously at Camila who looked up from her game of Subway Surfers to offer her a smile. Lauren returned it before moving onto the next page.

**No picture circled - Monday - No.:2 - 7/18/16**

_You know how your fingertips_

_have prints?_

_Well, your tongue does too._

_Isn't there a saying out there_

_about something to do with_

_printing yourself on your lover?_

_Marking, that's it._

_Some lovers have this thing they_

_like to call "marking their territory."_

_It's not like a dog to a tree_

_or fire hydrant._

_A tongue to a neck, to a wound_

_they care for, to another tongue._

Lauren flipped the page, following the little arrow on the bottom right hand corner, with a curious expression.

_Your fingers can always mark_

_a part of your lover, but a tongue?_

_A tongue is sacred._

_It's not dirty or rough; it's_

_internal and beautiful._

_To be able to mark your_

_partner with something other than_

_your thumbprints is like a sacred_

_bond sealed with a kiss._

Lauren smiled. She liked that entry. It didn't really make much sense to her, but if it did to Camila, that's all that mattered.

She skipped around, wanting to get to a more recent entry, flipping to a random page that read:

**No picture circled - Monday - No.: 13 - 8/22/16**

_You know, I'm kind of mad_

_at myself for wasting all_

_of my wishes.._

_Birthday wishes / shooting star_

_wishes, that is._

_Most of them as a kid were_

_probably as simple as wanting a_

_new toy._

Lauren chuckled, causing Camila to look over in curiosity, smiling once she realized what entry she was on.

_My early teen years were wishing_

_for a cute boy to kiss me or_

_for everyone to like me._

_But, that's so selfish._

_They aren't things a perfectly good_

_wish should be spent on._

_Instead of kisses and toys, I_

_should have given my wishes_

_away._

_Wished for my mother to get_

_a little extra on her paycheck_

_every week because i know how_

_she struggles._

_Wished for my cousin to get_

_better with his stubbornness and_

_just go to school to get_

_a proper education._

_But, 17 wishes have been_

_wasted. What will I wish for_

_this year? World peace?_

The next page didn't have anything filled out on the top.

Written in pink, the entry said:

_You won't be happy if you're not_

_happy with who you are. No_

_matter how much everybody else is_

_infatuated with you, it doesn't matter_

_if you don't like who you are. That's_

_the most important thing._

Pausing to stare at the paper in front of her, Lauren couldn't help but feel an over whelming amount of love and profoundness for the girl sitting to her right.

She glanced to Camila quickly, her heart feeling so big and so full for the girl.

She smiled again, reaching over to a concentrated Camila and moved her face to level with her own.

"You have... So much going on up there, Camz." She started, feeling herself lose control of the tears threatened to escape. "You.." She continued, holding her friends face in both of her hands. "Are so beautiful.. So strong.. So fucking intelligent." Lauren laughed, noticing the way Camila's eyes darted back and forth between hers with glistened irises. Camila dropped her phone, holding the older girls hands on her face for as long as she could. "You.." Lauren said, finality in her voice. "You are astonishing."

She want's to say it, she really does, but before she gets the chance, Camila speaks. "I-" She shakes her head, looking down, letting a few free falling tears fall onto the blankets covering them, the movement causing Lauren to drop her hands, already missing the contact. "I don't know what to say." Camila sniffles. 

"Why are you so kind to me, Lauren?" She asks, looking up to meet Lauren's puffy, confused eyes.

"Why am I so kind to you?" She asks, not understanding why Camila would ask such a question. Here it goes.. "Because I love you Camila." Lauren states with confidence, furrowing her eyebrows and shaking her head. "Gosh, Camz, I-." She takes Camila's face in hers again, the smaller girl wearing a look of terror and relief all in one.

"You- you love me?" She asks, taking Lauren's hands from her face to hold them in her lap.

"SO much." Lauren states, biting her lip, which seems to be in a terrible tremble.

Camila smiles, blinking slightly while a spare tear rolls down her cheek. "I love you too, Lo."

Lauren lets out a sigh of relief before wiping her eyes quickly. "God, come here." She demands, pulling Camila in to a tight embrace, the other girl clinging onto her shirt as she cries into her best friend’s shirt. 

"You have" sniff "no idea" sniff "how much I wanted and needed to hear that." She stutters between sniffles from her runny nose.

"We're gonna work things out, Camz."

"Promise?"

"I promise." Lauren states, finalizing their conversation.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you're not new to this fic you may be wondering why I've changed the name and theme of this story.. a lot of you have really enjoyed the random little talks the girls have been having so I'm going to stick to the story line that I've already been working on but focus more on their talks. If you're new here, welcome ^-^

"Camz?"

Camila looks up from her banana, munching soundly on the soft fruit as Lauren continues scrolling through the Tumblr app on her phone.

"Do you think humans will survive long enough to evolve into something different or will we make ourselves extinct before we have the chance to?" She asks, finally looking up to see the reaction on the younger girls face.

Camila sighs, wearing her famous scrunched up thinking face as she crosses her legs on the chair she's currently sitting on across from Lauren.

"Well..." She takes another bite, taking a few seconds to gather her thoughts. "It took us millions of years to become what we are today, right?"

Lauren nods, locking her phone and placing it on the table between them. "Darwin's laws and motions got us here today."

"Right, okay but," Camila swallows her previous bite and places the banana peals over the fruit and lays it on the table. "let's just pretend for a moment that we aren't letting our world go to absolute shit okay?" 

Lauren giggles and shakes her head in agreement.

"Let's pretend that everything is peachy and we're not destroying ourselves and our planet." She uses her now free hands to gesture to every word she's saying. 

"Hold up." Lauren holds a finger up as she picks her phone back up and unlocks it.

After a few seconds of waiting, Camila shrugs and goes back to silently munching on her snack.

"I was trying to figure out what species came before the ape but now I'm stuck." The older girl says without looking up from her phone. She then snaps her fingers and sits up a littler straighter. "Humans did not evolve from apes, gorillas or chimps. We are all modern species that have followed different evolutionary paths, though humans share a common ancestor with some primates, such as the African ape. The timeline of human evolution is long and controversial, with significant gaps." She looks up with a smile. "This is what came up when I asked google."

Camila takes a moment to let the new found information sink in as Lauren types something else into the search bar.

"Okay, rewind back to prehistoric times." She abruptly says, causing the younger girl to choke on the last of the banana on shock of surprise.

Lauren shows a silent apology with a scrunched face as she holds Camila's hand.

Camila laughs into her cough as she holds her throat and attempts to breathe."This better be good..."

"Oh it will be." The older girl smirks. "Once upon a time a primate was born-"

"Story time, story time!" The smaller girl interrupts, clapping her hands in excitement.

Lauren gives her a knowing look, waiting for the other to gather herself before continuing.

"Primates are rather fresh and new compared to how old our planet actually is give or take 55.8-33.9 million years."

Camila nods, smiling like a child as she gathers her peals to throw them away.

"That's how old the first primate would be if it was still alive today. That primate is called Plesiadapiformes, a squirrel like creature."

"Plesi-whati?"

" _Shh_!" Lauren hushes, placing a hand over Camila's mouth. "Are you going to behave and stop interrupting me?"

Camila nods, with a mischievous look in her eyes.

Lauren rolls her eyes, removing her hand and instead placing a small kiss to her lips. "They and other primates like them were starting to evolve around the end of the Mesozoic Era - like... 65.5 million years ago..- and the beginning of the Paleocene Epoch."

"You remember all of that from Earth Science?" Camila asked, smile still plastered to her face from the kiss.

"I don't know, man." The older girl shrugs. "I guess I just know this shit."

"So here we are millions of years later." Camila catches on. "We  _are_ evolved from something aren't we? I mean really if we _did_ come from apes why didn't all of them evolve into what we are today?:

"Humans are a funny thing..." Lauren looks down and shakes her head. "Because of different parts of the world we share the same mind and bones but we differ in our skin and language. How is it that we came from one thing with such a drastic difference? We could have come from many different things I mean who really knows?" Camila shrugs. "I mean there are 6906 languages in the world, dead and thriving. How is it that we can communicate if we're not from the same animal?" Lauren questions, standing up to turn the chair around and sitting on it backwards.

"And why can't we communicate with other animals? That's what we are.. animals." Camila adds, kind of annoyed with the topic. "We have colonies and communities like every other living thing. Like monkeys for example. All specials of monkey are related in some way or another -like us humans- but there's a few colonies that live in the same tree somewhere in the jungles of Africa that are literally only trained to hear their own pack. They physically cannot hear the other monkeys around them if those monkeys are not in their pack."

"How did you know that, Camz?" Lauren asked, intrigued.

"I don't know, man. I just know this shit." She mocks in a lower voice causing both girls to start in on a laughing fit.

"We're getting off topic because of ranting but evolution is a scary thing. Let's get back to that." Lauren says seriously.

"So," Camila huffs, "do I think humans will stay alive to encounter another evolution within our bodies or minds?"

Lauren nods.

"Yes. We're doing it everyday."

"How so?" The older girl questions, absentmindedly picking up the smaller girls hand to play with her fingers.

"If you look back to the cavemen, our brains have shrunk, our skills have formed and our backs have straightened to walk upright with balance. We've also formed not one, but 6906 languages and can learn more than one at a time." She ponders for a moment. "You said 6906, right?"

Lauren nods with a loving smile.

"If you take a look at their tailbone it's almost nonexistent. Ours have formed and morphed to comply with our backs for an extra kick in balance. They also keep growing with time." She takes a moment to breathe. "Now, I'm not saying that we're all of a sudden going to be Avatar people and turn blue and have long ass tails with alien antennas on the end but the potential for tails are there. That's something I would have to look more into."

"There are 6.5 million species on land and 2.2 million in oceans." Lauren states matter of factly. "Ain't that some shit." Lauren whispers into the air. "We're all one being family sharing a ball of lava covered in rock."

Both girl nod in astonishment. 

"Hey you wanna know something interesting?" Camila asks.

Lauren smiles and nods in anticipation, knowing far too well that whatever is about to come out of Camila's mouth is sure to leave her speechless. 

"Dolphins have names for each other. They have more than one language like us and are capable of emotion." She shakes her head at her own knowledge. "They they they grieve for loved one passing and even have the ability to sense when something is wrong in their community." Yup, there's no stopping her now. "That's not to say that _only_ dolphins hold that kind of potential because most animals have the ability to such traits, but they've come so far in their line of species that they've made the list for smartest mammal; the smartest from the sea." 

Lauren furrows her brows "Huh, I never knew that."

"I'm getting off topic again but I mean imagine the potential for a sea creature. They beat out the shark, the lion of the under water world." Camila thinks on her last comment and shakes her head in disgust. "Lions are misogynistic. They lay back while all the females hunt and do all the work."

This makes a belly filling laugh pour out of Lauren's mouth.

"No I'm serious." Camila snorts, smiling along with her friend.

"Sorry sorry. Anyway.." The older girl says, motioning with her hands to keep the younger one going.

"I'm done ranting. I probably didn't even answer the question the right way so I'll just say, yeah... We have the potential."

"6906 languages, 6.5 million species on land and 2.2 million in oceans and I'm still the luckiest girl in all of the world to have you."

Camila gushes at hearing that as she stands abruptly from her chair and falls into Lauren's lap between her and the chair, throwing her arms around her neck.

"I love you." She states, plastering a loving kiss on Lauren's forehead.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading ^-^  
> I don't have a set time I'll be adding more chapters but let me know if you want to read more and please correct me for any mistakes! :)


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